I HOPE, I PRAY, I BELIEVE!

This week has been the most hectic week ever.

I really didn’t enjoy this week that much, as work was piling on my desk, responsibilities became more and then off cause my little old moods because of all the lovely meds and injections. My bum hurts of the Gestone injections and I really feel like I’m burning up because of the HOT flushes

Anyway, there I was on Wednesday morning standing in the garden at work minding my own business and chatting to a lady that works with me, I explained how the meds were making me feel and overall the emotional rollercoaster that I’m on. So this other lady obviously eavesdropping turned around and said: There is a stunning Dr in Pretoria who will sort you out 1.2.3… It’s a Chinese doctor and he specialized in everything, from stress to infertility. Obviously I responded with the fact that I already have a Dr and that I feel very comfortable with this Dr, so then she continued: Why is it that people who is infertile always pray and ask for their baby, why don’t you just go on your knees and start saying thank you. Thank him for the baby his given you. Maybe if you start believing your not infertile and that you are in fact pregnant maybe you’ll have the satisfaction of a baby.

Now that was it…. I was so close at snapping her. I really felt like exploding and screaming at her (which I didn’t do but really wanted to) how the hell will she know. She has never gone through infertility and when she carried her second son, she really tried everything in the book to loose the baby. She drank, she smoked etc, but at the end the baby was born and is now about 6 months.

So anyway, I had to collect my thoughts and emotions and really had to focus on just smiling and then turned and walked back in to the building ignoring basically everything.

Okay so after this whole thing, I felt a bit depressed and just had to get done with the day.

Then this morning….

Early up and off I went for my injection – you will not believe I still can’t do the injections myself. Anyway while I was there I also had blood drawn as I have a progesterone test due today. So I believe, pray and Hope that the progesterone levels are 100% fine. Please, please, please I really need them to be okay. I really need to know if I can get a positive. Do you know how it feels if you have never experienced a positive. Okay except 1 when I was very much younger… I don’t even know if we can have a positive. Man I really hate this feeling and the fact that I doubt in us, so I need to try and stay focused, pray, believe and hope that this will be our cycle