Your help is needed

I think that people don’t really realise what any adoptee is going through to find the missing pieces of their lives. I have browsed a whole bunch of web pages and so many adoptees feel that they should have been aborted. One don’t always know what exactly is going through these peoples minds, and what drove them to feeling this way, but the more you read the more you’ll find that people who has been adopted find themselves wheel spinning on the thoughts that they have been thrown away. Being an adult female who has been adopted and who is now struggling with infertility, I somewhat wonder why life has to be so hard on me. I’m sure that if I had direct access to all my family records and illnesses surely I would be able to find the missing link, if there is any of cause. I struggle with the thought that my mother has so easily given up on us. She has so easily given all four of us up for adoption without leaving any trace for us to be able to reunite. Then when you talk to people who are not in the same boat, they make you think of more than just these resentments. A very close friend of mine said to me that it’s easy to judge at this point in my life, but that I don’t really understand what has driven my mother to give us all up. What was her main purpose, and the thing is the more I think about it, the more I feel ill in my stomach. I can’t judge her or her situation (my mother of cause) but the one thing I know is that your life will never be complete. Yes and for most of you this statement might seem silly, but think of it this way. You know who you are. You know your family, you know your brothers and sisters if any, and you know your history. I might be in the most comfortable position as I know my mothers family, and some history to the family, but if I think of my two brothers and sister, I can’t even try to imagine how they must try and solve their puzzle pieces. Then of cause there is this burning question. The question whether they know they have been adopted, whether they would even want to know their history. Most adoptees feel that they don’t want to know their birth family, they are happy with what they have, and in some cases people only discover that they have been adopted way to late to even try and search. My question is… What do you feel? How do you feel about searching for birth relatives? I need some direction please