27 August 2010


I thought to end of this week I wanted to share the following with you all.
I received and read this message this morning, and it made me realize how easy it has been to judge everyone around me and including myself. I have been so hard on myself these days.

Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.   The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral lessons:

Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season.

Have a blessed and Beautiful Day

23 August 2010


  1. Have you ever regretted making a decision?
  2. Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively?
  3. Have you ever felt alone?

Well that’s exactly how I feel

So here is my story… and I stick to it :-)

So here’s explaining the “making a bad decision part” about a year ago I was confronted with a opportunity to work permanently at my company, and I had to leave the contracting house I was working for permanently I really enjoyed working for the contracting house however being a contractor you really didn’t have a lot of stability and contracts and areas kept on changing and I was working away from home at times which impacted the family planning part of our lives. The interview was great okay the 3 interviews I had… It really sounded like a stable environment and an environment where I could grow it sounded like this was a well establish area and that there were lots of opportunities for me. It sounded like a place where I could be myself and enjoy my work as I love what I do and would never want to change my profession so I took the opportunity to come work permanently at my company. I resigned from the contracting house even though I was really enjoying the work there! My first couple of projects in the new company was great and especially the first one and I had a great opportunity to proof what I’m worth, but then it all started….

Now let me explain the “Regretting making a decision” part

My boss is the type of person who prefers to tell the entire team stuff as the team needs to understand where one is emotionally and personally. So I had to explain all the fertility treatment stuff with my boss and my colleagues in order for them to understand when I pop out the office for tests or for treatment and for them to understand when you go through anything emotionally (not that I think some people even care about all these things, and I still think that some people are uncomfortable with me sharing all this). I really didn’t want to share all the struggles with infertility because I feel that this is personal, it’s something I need to deal with and only our closes friends and family really know about our struggle but eventually I had to share this in order for me to get time off to go for appointments, test and all those things, it all worked out kind of okay.! The team knew where I went and they really didn’t ask a lot of questions and when I left they had no issues with me leaving earlier or coming in later. Now a year later I find it more and more difficult to make any type of appointment as work time always has to come first, you see there is no employment act that states that you are allowed time off for these type of treatments and it really depends on you boss and the company. So you’re not allowed to just take time for appointment at the clinic, and when I now have to go for any type of treatment I need to do this between the opening hours and 12PM as the appointment are only scheduled in the mornings till 12. So I’m kind off in a catch 22. I can’t get time off and when I do ask I have to answer a lot of questions which makes me uncomfortable, and in some cases when I try and put in leave my leave is rejected because of the projects that I work on and deliverables that is coming up. So this kind off make me regret making the decision to move when I had all the opportunity with my previous employer. (Please just note that I by no means say my employer is bad it’s a great company to work for it’s just that infertility and time off kind off suck at this present moment)

Now let me explain the “Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively”

You see for some reason I always end up being hurt some time. It’s actually such a long story but I’ll try and explain this briefly. There are times that people actually don’t care when children are part of adult conversations, or there’s times that you actually don’t notice them, but when children is part of these conversations they actually do listen, whether they understand what is being discussed or not… believe me they listen, and when they hear I always thought that they will not discuss this or bring this up because they were not suppose to listen or that they didn’t understand what was said… but O boy was I so wrong! We have wonderful friends; friends we got to know and grew very close to over the last couple of years, almost 4 years to be exact. They have lovely children and I really love being with them and I really love their children. They have always been there for us and their children have spent a bit of time over by us as well. I would really not want to loose them as friends, but on Friday nigh I got a wake up call again, and to be honest it was hurtful, so much that I had to cry myself to sleep. On Friday night we quickly went over to our friends’ house as hubby felt like having a drink with our friend and I was spending some time between the children. It was really very relaxing to just sit there and watch TV with the kiddies, but then one of the children mentioned that I don’t have children and that I wouldn’t have (I don’t want to explain the whole conversation), but it HIT HOME… IT HIT DEEP. And I would have never expected it to touch me so much but it did, and me and hubby ended up (after we left) fighting over the fact that I hardly have any time or that I hardly make any time to sort myself out and to carry on planning for our future and for our child. So now I know that I have negatively impacted my live by the choice I made to move from the contracting house even hubby feels the brunt of my decision. I made the decision to move, I knew that I had fertility issues and I knew that we had to do treatments and my decision has officially impacted that and hubby is just getting more and more frustrated. It’s because of my choice to have more stability in my life and now I just regret this decision as this officially negatively impact my life and it’s terrible

Now lastly let me explain the “I feel alone part”

After we left our friends house, I felt very crappy, I really felt so emotional (and like I said I don’t really understand why but the comment hit home) and I was chatting to hubby about it to kind off vent. I really had to get this out of my system. I really felt hurt, but hubby just added to this whole thing and it turned out to be a big fight. I suppose it’s because he never really talk about the infertility. He carries on as if we have a normal life without any issues, and then at times he has his little explosions and Friday night was one. After his little explosion I kind of felt as if I keep him back in life, I feel that he could have had a full life with children which he always have wanted, but instead, he is stuck with me… - Okay here’s some self pity I know – he is stuck with someone who can’t seem to get it right to give him children, whose body has always let them down and I can see what that is doing to him and it hurts me. I have mentioned time and time again that if he feels that it is time for him to move on to be happy with children that he should. I’m sure I’ll manage on my own I’m sure I’ll survive and I’m very sure that God will someday bless me with a child. I keep hoping, I keep praying and I keep wishing.

With this I end off the post for today, and I thought I’ll leave you all with a small message to break the depressing mood of this post. Forgive me for venting on my blog today, but I really needed to vent and I knew that my blog will be a safe place for me to vent and be supported by my Blog friends!

Only You

A person can make you feel high,
A person can make you feel low.
But only you can decide,
Which way you want to go.

A person can hurt you mentally,
A person can hurt you physically.
But only you can place,
A limit on your abilities.

A person can cause drama,
A person can cause a situation.
But only you can create,
Your own reputation

A person can make you laugh,
A person can make you cry.
But only you can make,
Decisions for your life.


Don't live by what people do,
But live by what you know is true.

11 August 2010


What a fantastic long weekend we had… it was so great that I only have time now to blog about it…

As most of you would know I really needed the time off to just relax a bit, and with the public holiday it was just fantastic… I tried for a couple of days more but unfortunately wasn’t that lucky to be able to get those days as well. Anyway it was still great.

So on Friday we got home and decided to braai with hubbies brother, his wife and their son, and we played a bit a pool, which was nice for a change. They didn’t really stay long as their son was playing club rugby the next morning and he obviously had to be rest out for that. Then Saturday we spend the day over at our friends, and as usual we played some dart and really had another really relaxing day. Then on Sunday hubby and I drove out for a while and were looking for an African grey, as hubby now again decided that he would really love to have a talking bird in the house. We really searched high and low, from the one bird farm to the next and we managed to find two different types, the red tail and the maroon tail, but hubby was still not satisfied so we had to continue looking. So Sunday eventually ended without a talking birdie at home. So on Monday (which was the public holiday) we drove out of town to a little store on the roadside that also have animals. It’s like a little pet shop… they have mice, birds, dogs, rabbits and all sorts of animals. So we stopped and looked at all the birdies they had.

Hubby then enquired about the Africa grey, but they only have little ones being taken from the parents next week, and then we would still have to feed them and honestly, nor me or hubby will be able to do that. It’s not going to be easy to try and feed the little ones at work, and I can’t really leave the birdie without food for the whole day. So we kept looking in the store. So they guy who works there (a real youngster) mentioned that they have another type of bird which can also talk and they are lovely as a pet. They are called Eclectus parrots, so we both went Huh… what? Anyway he then took us to a little glass room where he only had one little birdie sitting there. He explained that he has hand reared the little one and that the bird has just started to eat by himself. Both hubby and I just stood there, what a lovely bird. So as usual, we never carry money on us as it’s much safer and much easier to just buy with the debit card, but the store didn’t take cards. It at least gave hubby and me time to talk about the decision as the guy really didn’t give us any time to talk about our decision, and we prefer to make these types of decisions together.

Anyway so off we went to the nearest ATM which was about 10 min away from the store and 10 min back…. On our drive I “Google” and read as much about our little birdie and we decided that this birdie will definitely be a suitable pet for the both of us, and we returned to the store. On our arrival you could actually see that the guy was not expecting us back, but hey we returned with the money and ready to take our little pet home. He went into the room and clipped the wings for us, he then turned to one of the helpers and expressed how sad he was that the little one is leaving as he really loves the little one and he then handed our little pet over to us. Shame you could actually see how heartbroken this poor guy was to see the little bird go. So we quickly had to pack all the stuff, the cage and food, and we got in the car and started our trip back home. As we got home we went in the house, put our little new pet into his cage and introduced the two doggies to him, however Devonté didn’t want anything to do with this little new creature he was growling, licking the cage and sniffing, Uschcá really didn’t care at all, she walked in, sniffed and laid down close to where I was sitting… I suppose Devonté will still get use to him.

So people without further ado please meet our new member of our family – Whisky (hubby named him)

I thought I’ll ad a bit about this type of bird (information obtained from the web and books bought)

The Eclectus Parrot - They are stocky short-tailed parrots; it measures around 35 cm in length. The male is mostly bright green with a yellow-tinge on the head. It has blue primaries, and red flanks and under wing coverts. Its tail is edged with a narrow band of creamy yellow, and is dark grey edged with creamy yellow underneath, and the tail feathers are green centrally and more blue as they get towards the edges. The upper mandible of the adult male is orange at the base fading to a yellow towards the tip, and the lower mandible is black.

Unlike many other species of parrot they are relatively easy to breed yet difficult to hand feed. Eclectus in captivity require vegetables high in beta-carotene, such as lightly cooked sweet potato, fresh broccoli clumps, and fresh corn on the cob. Fresh greens such as endive or commercial dandelion are a very important in providing calcium and other nutrients. Spray millet is one of the seed items they enjoy, though the Eclectus diet should typically contain much less seed than other birds. A variety of soaked and cooked beans and legumes, along with brown rice, provided in limited amounts help provide protein. Nuts and seeds provide vitamin E, but should be limited in order to avoid too much fat in the diet, as Eclectus parrots can become obese.

The Eclectus are remarkable birds and ideally suited as a pet. When taught properly, they are capable of cognitive behavior from a very young age. The ability of the Eclectus to communicate with humans is a result of their extremely inquisitive nature, a feature strongly linked to their life in the rainforest canopy. This habitat is a rich environment requiring a heightened visual and audible intellect to master. When treated in a similarly caring and intelligent way they will quickly learn to communicate cognitively. Eclectus also prefer a calm environment and have a strong ability to notice changes within their normal surroundings. These highly intelligent birds are very animated and love to participate in daily activities and in doing so, will quickly become acquainted with a daily routine. Eclectus can be kept with other parrot species although it is extremely important that any new bird is introduced in the correct fashion. This involves providing one on one attention with the original bird and as much as possible, maintaining its normal daily routine.

02 August 2010


Good morning all you wonderful people. I hope that you enjoyed your weekend as much as what I did.

So this weekend was filled with lots of good times, fun, laughter and shooting…. Shooting yes you’re reading right.

Anyway, Friday night was not that full of excitement as once again I got home with a terrible headache, it was once again one of those days where poor hubby had to spend hours trying to massage and get the headache away. He is really getting irritated with this whole thing, and have mentioned a couple of times in a couple of days that I have to go to see a doctor, but then when I tried for leave this morning I got told that I can’t take. So I’m not to sure when I will be able to go to the doctor. I sometimes wonder why it’s okay for some people to be off and some people to have that freedom but others don’t.

Then Saturday was the Bundu Expo – it wasn’t as great as all the other years. I was kind off disappointed. They had very little stalls in comparison to last year, very little fishing stuff and lots of clothes, biltong, and those kind of things. Hubby really couldn’t get what he wanted, but we still managed to enjoy the day. He bought a couple of small things for himself which he will be trying out soon, so hopefully it wasn’t all that bad of an experience for him either. The one thing we managed to enjoy the most – which we normally don’t do was the rides. There were 2 rides which we went on. Sunette and I went on first and begged the men to go on as well, but they were so skeptical. Then we went a second time, and we convinced the two men to go on. So they went and me and Sunette were standing there at the bottom and had a good laugh at them while they were on this ride… it was so funny to see the two of them rattled.

The Sunday (yesterday) was our friends’ birthday – and we went over for a braai. We also had an opportunity to shoot with a crossbow a bit, and let me tell you it was great fun. Something I couldn’t seem to get right was to shoot with the air riffle but I managed very well with the crossbow. I am so proud of myself as I really managed to shoot a bull.

Okay then on a more personal note and what I mean with personal is more on the fertility side of things.

I have been so good at tracking all my cycles either via my blog, my outlook calendar, my calendar on my cell phone, in a grid on my bedside table to do temping or even in my diary. I have never missed on cycle, well never missed it till now. So normally when the spotting start I make a note in my calendar to say that spotting started and then for CD1 I obviously write down CD1, but I suppose with everything going on at work and stuff that this had just slipped my mind. I made a little note on 4 July saying that there were brown spotting, but I never made a note to indicate on which day CD1 started. Normally the Spotting day also turns into the first cycle day, but there are also times that this doesn’t happen and that the spotting and first cycle day is a couple of days apart. Well counting from the 4th of July where I indicated the spotting started it means that I’m on CD 30 today, and this has only ever happened once before where a cycle goes to 30 days or more. Okay hang on there were one other time as well where I had a 40 day cycle but it was really way back in the day and it was all related to stress and normally my cycle are between 26 – 28 days or sometimes like in June I only had like a 22 day cycle, but then I marked the 10th of July with a little mark across and I’m not sure what I wanted to indicate on that day but I never wrote anything next to that day. For some reason I marked it but why? And if that was to indicate the start of the cycle I never wrote it down, but if that was the start I should be sitting on day 24 of my cycle, I’m now really confused I’m not sure if I’m late and if I’m late because of all the tension at work, or if I’m not late and the 10th was the actual start and that I’ve just forgotten to mark it. I’m also to scared to test cause in the back of my mind I assume it will be a negative (cause how can I fall pregnant if I didn’t go through treatment) but I also think that I should do the POAS (Pee on a stick) thing because I’m taking tablets for my headaches and I don’t want to spoil to only chance I have of possibly being pregnant (and I keep wishing for that but trying not to get my hopes up).

So I’m really in a catch 22 situation. If I test and it’s negative (at least I’ll know and I can stop stressing that I could potentially be pregnant and I know I will kind of still be upset because it is negative) and I don’t have to worry every time I need to take something for my headache. Or I test and it’s positive and I know I need to get to a doctor soon (and that will be a miracle). So what to do… do I or do I not? Do I POAS or do I wait till Wednesday which will be day 26 or Friday which will be cycle day 28 if I indicated CD1 with the little mark under the 10th of July or do I wait because Friday will be cycle day 34 if the spotting day on the 4th indicated CD1… Argh I’m going to drive myself nuts! What should I do?

So that was the weekend and my update on this wonderful cycle of mine and I’m back at work, and feeling stressed already, but we will just have to hang in there!

Hope you have a good week everyone! And please give me your thoughts I will appreciate it?