A BIT OF EVERYTHING

O wow, our leave was great. I really felt so refreshed when I returned. You can't believe what a wonderful time myself and hubby had and that we managed to have a very pleasant and relaxing time together.

and then....

we both had to return to work, and both of us are stressed out again.

but a number of things changed for me as well. I have been telling you all about this very exciting thing that I didn't want to jinx, well I might have. I was desperate to move on from where I currently work, I have tried to cope with what I had to go through, but I think mentally I just wasn't at the right place. So I went for a couple of interviews, but I don't think that my heart and mind wanted the same thing...

anyway, I just think that my brain told me that it was the right thing to do, but I realized that I'm happy where I am, I really love my job, I love all *some* of the people I work with and that I am wanting to leave because of decisions that I believe was wrongly made. Well I still think so but who cares what I think.

So just before I left, we received a notification advising us that we have been assigned a coach. I initially didn't feel so pleased with this, but realized what an amazing coach I got, and how I will be able to learn so much from my coach. So after I returned I spend a couple of sessions with my coach and WOW, I really think that I am at a much better space, I really value my coach so much. I managed to learn in a very small period that things *IS WHAT IT IS* You can't change it, but you can sure as hell change your attitude about things, and I am trying, and let me tell you IT'S WORKING. Stuff I really wanted to happen in my life, which I so desperately wanted for so long on a career level, suddenly doors are opening, don't know if everything will work out the way I hope, but yet again *IT WILL BE WHAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE*  but please hold thumbs, and hopefully I will be able to share a very exciting post one day telling you all about my Job or something great that happened.

So anyway - my birthday is one of these days, and my anniversary! I just can't believe that time has gone so fast. I will be married 13 Years this year on December 5, and turn 32. I'm very excited about it! I just can't wait for all my presents and all the love that is shared on birthdays and anniversaries, but then on the other hand I can't wait for the Festive season either. I am like a child during this time of the year, maybe because it starts so early for me with my birthday, and hey - i don't just want one gifts for all 3 the occasions I want plenty from hubby *smile*

Hope you all will have a break during the festive season, and that you will be spending time with family and friends... unfortunately I will be working...

• Will you be creating menus?
• Will you be cooking?
• What will you be preparing for the festive season?
• What's your plans for the festive season?

Hope to hear from you soon

VENTING

I’m a bit in a funny mood, cant really explain what’s been happening to me lately, but I know that where I am is not where I need to be right now.

Over time I’ve realized that I’ve lost some dear friend, that I made new friends and in the cyber world the same. I have made decisions that I now regret I have made decisions that I am thankful for and that life goes on. I’ve gone from being a very dedicated blogger, to being a less dedicated blogger and I miss the friend I had. I don’t know if its because some people kind of struggle with the upgrade on blogger and now cant comment (I’m one of them – I really have a hard time commenting on blogs if the blog comment box are embedded below the post) or if I have just lost them or their interest in my blog because I have been so out of touch lately. All I know is I love comments cause that lets me know you are out there.

So ya, its sounds like self pity today, but I miss it…

The last couple of years about 2 I’ve been working at this new (well not that new anymore) company. I’ve had very little time to go for any treatment during office hours, and I realized that people don’t understand why we take time off to go for these type of things. You find that people are judgmental, they have their own opinions about these kind of treatments and some people just don’t give a sh!t about what you feel and how they make you feel when they express their opinions. I have let myself down, I have kind of given up and become such a terrible blogger (this is how it feels) that I have lost most of my blog readers. Most of the people who encouraged me, supported me, the people I felt so comfortable with that I could say anything and I’d knew that they would have been there for me. Some of these people have also moved on from being infertile to becoming a mother, and here I am……

STILL F*&^ing infertile and feeling alone…. YA YA It’s self pity – but today I need to just pity myself….

I need to reach out for new friend (people who will be there and support me again) I need that, I need and want to go back on treatment and I’m taking a couple of steps to get that going again… but most of all at this time I need to be surrounded by people that’s going through this hell of a roller coaster ride, and who will be able to understand that you have your ups and your downs… I don’t know how to start reaching out again, but I know I need to....

I'm so sorry for putting it out there, but if I can't put it out there then where else will I find the space to vent...

SOME USELESS INFO

I have promised so many people that I will post some photos of my Dubai business trip, but have not yet been able to do so.

So what better time than now….

Arriving at the airport

this was the Hotel we were booked in

the stunning musical fountains

Just a bit of splashing around, before going back to the Hotel

Our wonderful desert trip, hey but this was fun. this was still early in the afternoon we started at around 3 and went home at about 9, after having a nice braai and entertainment

all of us obviously went for Henna

this was the reception of one of the hotels we went to for brunch on the Saturday

and off cause, in the hottest desert they have to have snow!

The view from the one end of the shopping center or shall I say, one of the many shopping centers

and upon arrival, our first Lunch together... SALAD! 

I'M BACK

Wow, I can't believe that I've last posted in February.

To all of you who have been following, I'm so sorry that I have dissapeared, but things were so hectic on this side that I hardly had any time for myself or my blog, but I have sorted myself out and feel so much better (I promise I will give you more details in the next couple of days) and will be back blogging like I always did.

Have a blessed week, and remember to stop by again soon to read all about me and our way forward.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

I'm normally not one of those people that come up with a whole list of New year's resolutions, but this year I've set a couple that I felt I really had to do.

I'm also sitting and wondering who out there have set the same type of resolutions or who have set any resolutions for the new year as I would love to link up and support those of you who have set their mind in achieving their goals.


For me the most important part of this year will be to try my utmost best to fall pregnant, and I mean try everything in my power possible, I know that it might sound stupid but I want to look back in 2012 and say that I have tried harder this year, I want to feel satisfied with my attempts and should I fall pregnant it would be the best blessing sent to us.


Okay so for my Resolution(s):

• I have picked up some weight and I would like to blame all of it on the fertility medicines, but I also realise that I had a big part in this, so I have decided to call the dietitian today and will make my appointment with her in order for me to get back on my goal weight before attempting another cycle at the clinic
• Hubby and I have also decided to cut down / stop drinking, and in the past we always said cut down only but we've never managed this on weekends when family and friends came over. This year we have decided to stop drinking, and will only have something if and when we really feel like it, and I have to say so far so good, we had our last champagne 12:00 on 31 December 2010, and nothing else yet.
• and lastly - both of us decided to start gym, now this is kind of a tricky one as most of the gyms in our area close when we get home or it's so full that you wait forever to get to something, so honestly we will not hit the gym at our local gym but we will officially start using the huge gym hubby bought 2 year ago (ya we will have to get rid of all the dust on this first :-) but we will officially start using the gym)

So these are my New Year's resolutions and I hope I'll / we'll manage to look back the end of this year and realise that we have achieved our goals.


Happy 2011 People, May this year be the year where all you hopes and dreams come true!

HAVE YOU EVER?

1. Have you ever regretted making a decision?
2. Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively?
3. Have you ever felt alone?

Well that’s exactly how I feel

So here is my story… and I stick to it :-)

So here’s explaining the “making a bad decision part” about a year ago I was confronted with a opportunity to work permanently at my company, and I had to leave the contracting house I was working for permanently I really enjoyed working for the contracting house however being a contractor you really didn’t have a lot of stability and contracts and areas kept on changing and I was working away from home at times which impacted the family planning part of our lives. The interview was great okay the 3 interviews I had… It really sounded like a stable environment and an environment where I could grow it sounded like this was a well establish area and that there were lots of opportunities for me. It sounded like a place where I could be myself and enjoy my work as I love what I do and would never want to change my profession so I took the opportunity to come work permanently at my company. I resigned from the contracting house even though I was really enjoying the work there! My first couple of projects in the new company was great and especially the first one and I had a great opportunity to proof what I’m worth, but then it all started….

Now let me explain the “Regretting making a decision” part

My boss is the type of person who prefers to tell the entire team stuff as the team needs to understand where one is emotionally and personally. So I had to explain all the fertility treatment stuff with my boss and my colleagues in order for them to understand when I pop out the office for tests or for treatment and for them to understand when you go through anything emotionally (not that I think some people even care about all these things, and I still think that some people are uncomfortable with me sharing all this). I really didn’t want to share all the struggles with infertility because I feel that this is personal, it’s something I need to deal with and only our closes friends and family really know about our struggle but eventually I had to share this in order for me to get time off to go for appointments, test and all those things, it all worked out kind of okay.! The team knew where I went and they really didn’t ask a lot of questions and when I left they had no issues with me leaving earlier or coming in later. Now a year later I find it more and more difficult to make any type of appointment as work time always has to come first, you see there is no employment act that states that you are allowed time off for these type of treatments and it really depends on you boss and the company. So you’re not allowed to just take time for appointment at the clinic, and when I now have to go for any type of treatment I need to do this between the opening hours and 12PM as the appointment are only scheduled in the mornings till 12. So I’m kind off in a catch 22. I can’t get time off and when I do ask I have to answer a lot of questions which makes me uncomfortable, and in some cases when I try and put in leave my leave is rejected because of the projects that I work on and deliverables that is coming up. So this kind off make me regret making the decision to move when I had all the opportunity with my previous employer. (Please just note that I by no means say my employer is bad it’s a great company to work for it’s just that infertility and time off kind off suck at this present moment)

Now let me explain the “Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively”

You see for some reason I always end up being hurt some time. It’s actually such a long story but I’ll try and explain this briefly. There are times that people actually don’t care when children are part of adult conversations, or there’s times that you actually don’t notice them, but when children is part of these conversations they actually do listen, whether they understand what is being discussed or not… believe me they listen, and when they hear I always thought that they will not discuss this or bring this up because they were not suppose to listen or that they didn’t understand what was said… but O boy was I so wrong! We have wonderful friends; friends we got to know and grew very close to over the last couple of years, almost 4 years to be exact. They have lovely children and I really love being with them and I really love their children. They have always been there for us and their children have spent a bit of time over by us as well. I would really not want to loose them as friends, but on Friday nigh I got a wake up call again, and to be honest it was hurtful, so much that I had to cry myself to sleep. On Friday night we quickly went over to our friends’ house as hubby felt like having a drink with our friend and I was spending some time between the children. It was really very relaxing to just sit there and watch TV with the kiddies, but then one of the children mentioned that I don’t have children and that I wouldn’t have (I don’t want to explain the whole conversation), but it HIT HOME… IT HIT DEEP. And I would have never expected it to touch me so much but it did, and me and hubby ended up (after we left) fighting over the fact that I hardly have any time or that I hardly make any time to sort myself out and to carry on planning for our future and for our child. So now I know that I have negatively impacted my live by the choice I made to move from the contracting house even hubby feels the brunt of my decision. I made the decision to move, I knew that I had fertility issues and I knew that we had to do treatments and my decision has officially impacted that and hubby is just getting more and more frustrated. It’s because of my choice to have more stability in my life and now I just regret this decision as this officially negatively impact my life and it’s terrible

Now lastly let me explain the “I feel alone part”

After we left our friends house, I felt very crappy, I really felt so emotional (and like I said I don’t really understand why but the comment hit home) and I was chatting to hubby about it to kind off vent. I really had to get this out of my system. I really felt hurt, but hubby just added to this whole thing and it turned out to be a big fight. I suppose it’s because he never really talk about the infertility. He carries on as if we have a normal life without any issues, and then at times he has his little explosions and Friday night was one. After his little explosion I kind of felt as if I keep him back in life, I feel that he could have had a full life with children which he always have wanted, but instead, he is stuck with me… - Okay here’s some self pity I know – he is stuck with someone who can’t seem to get it right to give him children, whose body has always let them down and I can see what that is doing to him and it hurts me. I have mentioned time and time again that if he feels that it is time for him to move on to be happy with children that he should. I’m sure I’ll manage on my own I’m sure I’ll survive and I’m very sure that God will someday bless me with a child. I keep hoping, I keep praying and I keep wishing.

With this I end off the post for today, and I thought I’ll leave you all with a small message to break the depressing mood of this post. Forgive me for venting on my blog today, but I really needed to vent and I knew that my blog will be a safe place for me to vent and be supported by my Blog friends!

Only You

A person can make you feel high,

A person can make you feel low.

But only you can decide,

Which way you want to go.

A person can hurt you mentally,

A person can hurt you physically.

But only you can place,

A limit on your abilities.

A person can cause drama,

A person can cause a situation.

But only you can create,

Your own reputation

A person can make you laugh,

A person can make you cry.

But only you can make,

Decisions for your life.

So

Don't live by what people do,

But live by what you know is true.

CONFUSSED!

Good morning all you wonderful people. I hope that you enjoyed your weekend as much as what I did.

So this weekend was filled with lots of good times, fun, laughter and shooting…. Shooting yes you’re reading right.

Anyway, Friday night was not that full of excitement as once again I got home with a terrible headache, it was once again one of those days where poor hubby had to spend hours trying to massage and get the headache away. He is really getting irritated with this whole thing, and have mentioned a couple of times in a couple of days that I have to go to see a doctor, but then when I tried for leave this morning I got told that I can’t take. So I’m not to sure when I will be able to go to the doctor. I sometimes wonder why it’s okay for some people to be off and some people to have that freedom but others don’t.

Then Saturday was the Bundu Expo – it wasn’t as great as all the other years. I was kind off disappointed. They had very little stalls in comparison to last year, very little fishing stuff and lots of clothes, biltong, and those kind of things. Hubby really couldn’t get what he wanted, but we still managed to enjoy the day. He bought a couple of small things for himself which he will be trying out soon, so hopefully it wasn’t all that bad of an experience for him either. The one thing we managed to enjoy the most – which we normally don’t do was the rides. There were 2 rides which we went on. Sunette and I went on first and begged the men to go on as well, but they were so skeptical. Then we went a second time, and we convinced the two men to go on. So they went and me and Sunette were standing there at the bottom and had a good laugh at them while they were on this ride… it was so funny to see the two of them rattled.

The Sunday (yesterday) was our friends’ birthday – and we went over for a braai. We also had an opportunity to shoot with a crossbow a bit, and let me tell you it was great fun. Something I couldn’t seem to get right was to shoot with the air riffle but I managed very well with the crossbow. I am so proud of myself as I really managed to shoot a bull.

Okay then on a more personal note and what I mean with personal is more on the fertility side of things.

I have been so good at tracking all my cycles either via my blog, my outlook calendar, my calendar on my cell phone, in a grid on my bedside table to do temping or even in my diary. I have never missed on cycle, well never missed it till now. So normally when the spotting start I make a note in my calendar to say that spotting started and then for CD1 I obviously write down CD1, but I suppose with everything going on at work and stuff that this had just slipped my mind. I made a little note on 4 July saying that there were brown spotting, but I never made a note to indicate on which day CD1 started. Normally the Spotting day also turns into the first cycle day, but there are also times that this doesn’t happen and that the spotting and first cycle day is a couple of days apart. Well counting from the 4th of July where I indicated the spotting started it means that I’m on CD 30 today, and this has only ever happened once before where a cycle goes to 30 days or more. Okay hang on there were one other time as well where I had a 40 day cycle but it was really way back in the day and it was all related to stress and normally my cycle are between 26 – 28 days or sometimes like in June I only had like a 22 day cycle, but then I marked the 10th of July with a little mark across and I’m not sure what I wanted to indicate on that day but I never wrote anything next to that day. For some reason I marked it but why? And if that was to indicate the start of the cycle I never wrote it down, but if that was the start I should be sitting on day 24 of my cycle, I’m now really confused I’m not sure if I’m late and if I’m late because of all the tension at work, or if I’m not late and the 10th was the actual start and that I’ve just forgotten to mark it. I’m also to scared to test cause in the back of my mind I assume it will be a negative (cause how can I fall pregnant if I didn’t go through treatment) but I also think that I should do the POAS (Pee on a stick) thing because I’m taking tablets for my headaches and I don’t want to spoil to only chance I have of possibly being pregnant (and I keep wishing for that but trying not to get my hopes up).

So I’m really in a catch 22 situation. If I test and it’s negative (at least I’ll know and I can stop stressing that I could potentially be pregnant and I know I will kind of still be upset because it is negative) and I don’t have to worry every time I need to take something for my headache. Or I test and it’s positive and I know I need to get to a doctor soon (and that will be a miracle). So what to do… do I or do I not? Do I POAS or do I wait till Wednesday which will be day 26 or Friday which will be cycle day 28 if I indicated CD1 with the little mark under the 10th of July or do I wait because Friday will be cycle day 34 if the spotting day on the 4th indicated CD1… Argh I’m going to drive myself nuts! What should I do?

So that was the weekend and my update on this wonderful cycle of mine and I’m back at work, and feeling stressed already, but we will just have to hang in there!

Hope you have a good week everyone! And please give me your thoughts I will appreciate it?

THE RESULTS ARE IN!

I received a call yesterday from the IF Clinic, and to everyones’ amazement, with all the meds and injections my progesterone level only raised to 8, and by the sound of it they were not very happy with the results. They have requested another progesterone test on the blood, and I’m now waiting for my feedback as they would need to phone me back with a plan of action...

So I’m already feeling teary.... but I'm now also not understanding casue the info I found explains the following

hCG levels during pregnancy
(in weeks since last menstrual period)

• 3 weeks LMP 5 - 50 mIU/ml
• 4 weeks LMP 5 - 426 mIU/ml
• 5 weeks LMP 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
• 6 weeks LMP 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
• 7 - 8 weeks LMP 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
• 9 - 12 weeks LMP 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
• 13 - 16 weeks LMP 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
• 17 - 24 weeks LMP 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
• 25 - 40 weeks LMP 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
• non pregnant 55-200 ng/ml

I HOPE, I PRAY, I BELIEVE!

This week has been the most hectic week ever.

I really didn’t enjoy this week that much, as work was piling on my desk, responsibilities became more and then off cause my little old moods because of all the lovely meds and injections. My bum hurts of the Gestone injections and I really feel like I’m burning up because of the HOT flushes

Anyway, there I was on Wednesday morning standing in the garden at work minding my own business and chatting to a lady that works with me, I explained how the meds were making me feel and overall the emotional rollercoaster that I’m on. So this other lady obviously eavesdropping turned around and said: There is a stunning Dr in Pretoria who will sort you out 1.2.3… It’s a Chinese doctor and he specialized in everything, from stress to infertility. Obviously I responded with the fact that I already have a Dr and that I feel very comfortable with this Dr, so then she continued: Why is it that people who is infertile always pray and ask for their baby, why don’t you just go on your knees and start saying thank you. Thank him for the baby his given you. Maybe if you start believing your not infertile and that you are in fact pregnant maybe you’ll have the satisfaction of a baby.

Now that was it…. I was so close at snapping her. I really felt like exploding and screaming at her (which I didn’t do but really wanted to) how the hell will she know. She has never gone through infertility and when she carried her second son, she really tried everything in the book to loose the baby. She drank, she smoked etc, but at the end the baby was born and is now about 6 months.

So anyway, I had to collect my thoughts and emotions and really had to focus on just smiling and then turned and walked back in to the building ignoring basically everything.

Okay so after this whole thing, I felt a bit depressed and just had to get done with the day.

Then this morning….

Early up and off I went for my injection – you will not believe I still can’t do the injections myself. Anyway while I was there I also had blood drawn as I have a progesterone test due today. So I believe, pray and Hope that the progesterone levels are 100% fine. Please, please, please I really need them to be okay. I really need to know if I can get a positive. Do you know how it feels if you have never experienced a positive. Okay except 1 when I was very much younger… I don’t even know if we can have a positive. Man I really hate this feeling and the fact that I doubt in us, so I need to try and stay focused, pray, believe and hope that this will be our cycle

THE ROAD AHEAD

Well it’s a new year, and with that I suppose all new things start. Looking back at everything we went through so far made me realize that after almost 11 years of marriage we are still alone. Our families have expanded and they have the most stunning boys my one sister in law has 3 and the other 1, and believe me when I tell you, their boys are adorable and truly stunning kids.

Then I look at myself and P, we have not accomplish any pregnancy and it makes me wonder if I will be dying one day and still be alone, and the thought is really unbearable. You know I sit and wonder why this is meant for me. It’s not as if I had the best life ever. My mother gave me, my sister and my 2 brothers up for adoption. They know nothing of me, and I off them. I grew up with lovely adoptive parents and lost my adoptive farther 9 years ago, I truly loved him so much and I think of him daily. Then I got married to the most wonderful guy. Yes we all have our problems but he is really supportive, and so our journey started as we wanted to expand our little family, but so far it’s a journey without luck. I know I will be a good mother, I know P will be the best father, but it now feels like that is one thing that will not become a reality for us, and it makes me sad.

P and I sat down the other night and really had a very good discussion. We were really looking at everything and all the possible ways that we will be able to have our little pink feet in our house. We spoke about Surrogacy, IVF’s and ICSI and so the list just grew. We were talking about everything we will be willing to do and what not, what we want in life, and what not, what we need, and what not, what we will cope with, and what not and… and… and… After this long discussion I think we finally decided, and I’m so glad we have decided together and we had exactly (well most of it) the same needs and thoughts about all of the processes. P and I have begun our process. The process of adopting our little pink feet…

We have made our first official appointment with an Adoption worker and we will be meeting with her on Tuesday 2 February 2010, I feel so many emotions at this stage that I don’t even know where to start. I am so scared, and all that it currently going through my mind is what if’s… yes I know it is still too early, but I am like that. I always try and see all the negatives and positives to every situation.

I don’t know all the laws and processes yet, and look we still have lots to learn, but I believe this is our first step again, and I will have to take it one day at a time whether it’s happy or sad, good or bad, we will get to the end of our journey one day!

If you know anything about the adoption laws and processes in SA, please send me some comments.

I would love to hear from you!

BLOGAVERSARY!

Happy Blogaversary to me!

Today is my official 2nd blog celebration. I cant believe that this is my second year of writing all of my thoughts and experience to paper. It's actually scary but great to be able to go back and read all of this, all the way back to 4 January 2008.

THOUGHTS OR VENTING YOU CHOOSE!

What happened to me after these last couple of years? I have always been such a happy go lucky person but these days I battle to see light at the end of the tunnel. I'm fighting a loosing battle in terms of finding my siblings and everywhere I turn on this no door opens but is closes. Sometimes it makes me wonder what I have done to deserve not meeting the little family I have. Yes I'm happy with what I have in life, but I still have this empty little peace which longs for the unknown people, called brothers and sister. The law prohibit so many things which makes it truly difficult to track them, over and above, I really thought by now, that my younger brother (who I happened to find through the registrar of adoptions, who's parents didn't want us to meet) that his adopted mother could have made it happen by now, but NOTHING... Sometimes I wonder why this all had to happen, and why, why, why was it suppose to happen to me. Why is it that I had to know about them, and they not of me? Will life give me the opportunity to meet them? My youngest brothers’ birthday was on Saturday the 9th of May and I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Then of cause it’s this curse of IF. Darn I just can't believe it all. I'm married 10 years... And nothing. No new addition to the family of 2. AF started on Sunday so I suppose another cycle awaits me. Tried to call the Dr's offices yesterday but something was wrong with their lines so I have to try again today. Then on the work front... Ya I’m finishing off. My last day is now Friday (15 May 2009). I actually can't believe I'm moving on. I’m glad for the new opportunity, but on the other hand I need to settle down, find something stable, and not something where I need to move around like this. I know its great exposure, but it's not as nice to not know where you will be the next day. I love the company I work for, they have truly looked after me, and there is no bad thing I will ever be able to say about them, as they care about their people, but sometimes it's difficult. Anyway, I think, pray and hope that things work out for me the way it should, and with that I need to say till later... Enjoy your day!

Hide Away

And so Friday arrived in all it glory, and what a beautiful morning it was. I was so eager to go for my blood test seeing that AF still hasn’t arrived, so off I went to get ready. Oops it was a bit early though so I had to sit and wait for the offices to open before I go. Anyway, as I sat there waiting in anticipation for the one thing that could be the best day of my life AF arrived, and with that all the emotions, heartache, self-pity, hatred and so this list could grow and grow, I really were so exited, and I knew not to get my hopes to high but I did, and that really brought me back to earth with a BIG BANG! So I contacted the clinic to confirm that AF arrived as per our agreement, Dr then prescribed more meds (Estrofem) due to the fact that the blood test on day 23 of my cycle indicated that my progesterone levels were not satisfactory, he also gave me Clomid which I need to use for a couple of days. Then on the 14th day, I’ll return for a scan. Darn, I really got my hopes up this time, and I really couldn't stop crying this weekend, I am just unable to pick my head up and face everything at this point in time. So for now, I'll be going in hide away until I can find away to face life again

Giggles

I’ve been reading a couple of blogs this week where ladies very elaborating explain how often they do their little panty inspections, and have to be honest, some of the ladies are quite funny in the ways they explain this. I of cause thought that this is something not everyone will do, and I figured that I would be different, only to prove myself wrong! Well as you all know, we went to the new Clinic on the 20th of March, and we had to plan naturally for the first time while other test had to be conducted, with of cause a little help from a “Boereraad”. Anyway, from there I had to go for a progesterone blood test on Monday 30th of March, and should AF not start between today and tomorrow morning, I will have a second progesterone and a B-hcg quantitative test. Anyway, since yesterday, I found myself running to the loo every time anything seem to feel different doing the one thing I thought I’ll never do and laughing every time I saw someone else mention it on their blog. Now I am guilty as charged, doing the same even though I have a little cramping on the left hand side, but not heavy like I normally would, maybe my hopes is already to high, maybe I’m just opening myself to heartache, I don’t know, but I’m sure as Hell trying desperately to remain positive, hopeful, and a little exited. This can potentially mean that by tomorrow I will land up being miserable, feeling heartbroken and hateful, but I’m just taking it 1 hour at a time for now…

2009!

It’s a New Year and WOW how great the New Year started for me. I was privileged enough to spend a wonderful Christmas and New Year with family and friends, and I realised how dear my family is to me. One sometimes gets to tied down to your own things that you somehow loose track of the things that others experienced. Starting 2009, I want to thank each and every person who contributed on my blog, and I want to thank one person in particular: Tam thank you very much for your encouragement in 2008, you inspired me to start with a blog which has really helped me come to terms with everything in my life, furthermore, you showed me that there are people out there who also go through the same as what I am, and that it’s okay to talk about it, and that you don’t have to go through this journey alone. May 2009, be a blessed year for each and every one of you; hope that your year will be blessed, and that you will remain as strong as you always have been. I also hope that we will be able to support one another on this journey, and share all the great times that lies ahead. Have a Gr8 2009…

A nice thought for the week – The Power

Don't underestimate the power of a touch a smile a kind word a listening ear an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring all of which have the potential to turn a life around Life ends when you stop Dreaming, Hope ends when you stop Believing, Love ends when you stop Caring, Friendship ends when you stop Sharing. When you find a dream inside your heart,

Don't ever let it go,

For dreams are the tiny seeds, from which Beautiful Tomorrows Grow!

Have a Wonderful Week!