LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - WE HAVE LIFTOFF

I promised so many times, over and over again that I will not disappear from the blog world, and yet again I find myself responding to my blog after such a long time.

It has been very difficult for me to write anything the last couple of months and I find myself still in the little same boat and with the same waves rocking this little boat of mine.

I find myself between a rock and a hard place and really didn’t know how to deal with everything that happen the last couple of months, but I think only time will tell.

We have a plan – Yes believe it or not. We have a plan. We have decided that we will officially enter the adoption process and contacted a number of adoption agencies, and I know that there are so many couples out there that will form part of this process and that we might or might not be selected to become adoptive parents, but I’m optimistic that there is a greater plan for us and that what will be will be. The agency we decided on for now will open application for adoption in the new year, so we would have to submit all the necessary forms, they will ultimately only be able to select 6 couples and obviously it will depend on whether we get selected in the process to become adoptive parents, so I will keep you posted on this progress starting January.

Then we have also decided that in January it is time for us to go back on treatment. Yes can you believe it after such a long break I am ready to tackle the bull by its horns again. It is time for us to not play it save anymore, its time to not worry about all the emotions that go with it and to just do it! I came to realize that if you try and spare yourself any pain throughout this process you will never be able to fulfill your dream to have your perfect family. So officially in the New Year we will start going back.

Now i'm sure you would want to ask – why only the New Year, so here it is. There are a couple of conscious decisions we had to make, one of them was to change our lifestyle, and we had to set a target date for that. We have decided that from October – December we will make all those changes in our life and in and around our house, once all that’s done, we no longer have to worry and stress about these things and that we could focus on our next goal and that is to start our family.

As you would all know, I have been with a specific clinic all this time, and don’t have any issues with them, but in order for me to go to treatment and still be able to deliver things at work we would also like to investigate alternative fertility clinics, I have to be honest and say that it is not going to be easy for us to make this transition, but I managed to discuss this at work and after having so many issues with trying to get time off and now have the opportunity to do so and not take advantage of it, I would have to look for the most effective place to go. So I’ve started a bit of research and asked a couple of friends and everyone is giving their opinions which makes it a bit more difficult for me to decide. Some people try and look at success rate, I tried to get some stats on this, but maybe I suck at doing research cause I couldn’t get much, other people talk about the fact that some places have pregnant woman there, so ya the question is: Can I deal with that, and then there’s so many other opinions out there…. WHAT IS YOURS?

So I might not be able to blog about fertility or the adoption progress for the next 3 months, but I will be able to let you know how I am, and our progress of changes our life

Keep well you all, and I truly hope you are still reading my blog. Let me know you are still there!

OKAY HERE'S SOME FEEDBACK

I really didn’t know how to type up this message. I’m sooooooooooooooooo two minded about everything.

To start off with, we went to see the social worker, which was amazingly calm, almost to calm / relaxed. She took us through the whole adoption process, cost and everything else that goes with it. We had to register at one of the houses they currently work from etc. Then the house returned a mail with the cost estimations on their side and everything that goes with it, and now I feel a bit concerned.

You see, the thing is… even though I think we have made up our minds; there is still a part of us holding on to what we’re currently doing. Yes we could spend this small fortune and adopt, or we could try 2 more IVF’s or what ever is in store for us, we have also not yet considered a surrogate yet, and my sister in law so willingly offered the other day.

I feel a bit torn between all of these decisions, and need some guidance; so I booked an appointment with our IF Clinic and will discuss all our options with them on Friday 12 February 2010. I really hope that after this meeting I’ll be able to walk out and know what we need to do. I totally feel out of control, and I’m normally such an in control person. It just really isn’t making any sense right now. I just don’t know how to make the decision right now, and I hope Friday will give me some direction.

I know there are many of you that have gone through all of these emotions, and have decided the one or the other, and I’ll appreciate your views.

CAN'T WAIT

I am so excited, but still scared!

Why – Tomorrow is our BIG Day. We will be seeing the Social worker and look at our options. It’s still very early in the process and I have read everything I could, I went to my adoptive parents and got some information from them to, so I think we’re prepared, but we’ll know tomorrow. So here is my checks and balances for tomorrow

1. Excited – tick
   
2. got all the info needed for now – tick
   
3. Read all about the laws that was available – tick
   
4. prepare one emotionally – I think this is still not ticked
   
5. Starting our Journey – Priceless  

So hold thumbs and toes…. And enjoy your week!

THE ROAD AHEAD

Well it’s a new year, and with that I suppose all new things start. Looking back at everything we went through so far made me realize that after almost 11 years of marriage we are still alone. Our families have expanded and they have the most stunning boys my one sister in law has 3 and the other 1, and believe me when I tell you, their boys are adorable and truly stunning kids.

Then I look at myself and P, we have not accomplish any pregnancy and it makes me wonder if I will be dying one day and still be alone, and the thought is really unbearable. You know I sit and wonder why this is meant for me. It’s not as if I had the best life ever. My mother gave me, my sister and my 2 brothers up for adoption. They know nothing of me, and I off them. I grew up with lovely adoptive parents and lost my adoptive farther 9 years ago, I truly loved him so much and I think of him daily. Then I got married to the most wonderful guy. Yes we all have our problems but he is really supportive, and so our journey started as we wanted to expand our little family, but so far it’s a journey without luck. I know I will be a good mother, I know P will be the best father, but it now feels like that is one thing that will not become a reality for us, and it makes me sad.

P and I sat down the other night and really had a very good discussion. We were really looking at everything and all the possible ways that we will be able to have our little pink feet in our house. We spoke about Surrogacy, IVF’s and ICSI and so the list just grew. We were talking about everything we will be willing to do and what not, what we want in life, and what not, what we need, and what not, what we will cope with, and what not and… and… and… After this long discussion I think we finally decided, and I’m so glad we have decided together and we had exactly (well most of it) the same needs and thoughts about all of the processes. P and I have begun our process. The process of adopting our little pink feet…

We have made our first official appointment with an Adoption worker and we will be meeting with her on Tuesday 2 February 2010, I feel so many emotions at this stage that I don’t even know where to start. I am so scared, and all that it currently going through my mind is what if’s… yes I know it is still too early, but I am like that. I always try and see all the negatives and positives to every situation.

I don’t know all the laws and processes yet, and look we still have lots to learn, but I believe this is our first step again, and I will have to take it one day at a time whether it’s happy or sad, good or bad, we will get to the end of our journey one day!

If you know anything about the adoption laws and processes in SA, please send me some comments.

I would love to hear from you!

ALL-ROUND UPDATE

Hi there everyone stopping by and thank you for your visits… I have to be honest and say I love the ICLW weeks. First time I’m part of it and I’m sure it will definitely not be the last… Anyway, as you all know (for those who doesn’t you’ll catch up quick), I went for my scan and mucus testing yesterday 21 April 2009, which the results were no so good, I really hoped that everything would be fine, but once again my body has a mind of it’s own. So my acidity levels were so high, none of our little natural attempt swimmers survived it… darn, what is going on with my body. The other day with the tests the acidity was fine… but Dr truly calmed me down and still recommended that we carry out the insemination today. So I got a little tummy injection, and waited for today… So Mr P (hubby) was very brave this morning! Shame I still giggle when I think about it, but he was disgusted with me anyway! Seeing that all the previous attempts we managed to get our little swimmer to the lab in about 45min, this morning it would have been a disaster trying to attempt this. We just live to far away. So Mr P decided that he’ll rather take up the moment at the clinic. I warned him, and one of our friends warned him it’s not the same as at home, but he was confident it wouldn’t have an impact, but off cause I had to go with. So we got up before the sparrows even thought about it, and off we went to the Dr. Arrived at about 7:30 and we had to have it in by 8:00, off we went to the little room, and all I could do was giggle. I just couldn’t stop myself this morning. I think it’s because every time I talk about the fact that I still feel shy when I lay there legs stretched he thinks it’s not all bad, and now it’s he’s tern and he feels embarrassed. I really had fun this morning. We laughed together and even though you could see he feels uncomfortable he was so sweet about it. We then went for a quick breakfast and he took off for work. I off cause had to stay behind. At about 9:15 I was called to go to the rooms, got undressed and relaxed for about 15 min before doctor arrived. He is such a blessing, I feel so blessed to have found this doctor. He made me feel comfortable in explaining everything, hubby’s mobility, motility, and quality is great. (I’m glad as the previous samples had issues), and doctor then started with the process. I believe everything went well. I hope I pray and I’ll keep faith that it went great. Now I still need to inject myself Saturday and use creams, tablets, Viagra (YIPPY) and on the 4th of May I will officially go for my hopeful BFP test, unless AF jumps the gun. So ladies and gents there you have it… now let’s hope and pray!

What about sharing information

I thought that adding this message might help a few of us in search of adoptees’. There are so many sites where one can log information, search for birth parents, but when it comes to actually trying to all the information it is one mission… Mission possible…. Not impossible… Adopted Children Although adopted children have became part of another family, we may want to know more about our birth family, to know where we come from, family history and so much more. We want to feel both accepted by our adoptive family and comfortable about our origin and identity. Most of the adopted young people think about meeting with birth relatives, which results in one major search, which is a long and painful road… Birth relatives Birth relatives mostly has a strong need to be reassured that the adoptee is alive and well, and sometimes would also like more news on health and progress. Although this news sometimes brings back painful memories, most birth parents and relatives feel they would rather have it than not. A regular exchange of information between birth relatives and adopted parents may help to smooth the way if the adopted child proposes a meeting when he/she is grown.

Easier said than done… but the registrar of adoptions reports that 90% of adopted children are successful in finding their birth parent. Sixty percent of the birth parent is not willing to make contact. Well about everything else Fairly comprehensive documentation is kept with the registrar of adoptions in Pretoria. Some of these documents are legal document which may not be destroyed, so the registrar keeps:

• The consent form of the biological parents
• The application for adoption of the adoptive parents
• The social worker’s report on the adoptive parents
• The social worker’s detailed profile of the birth parent (Should the adoption have taken places at agencies like Johannesburg child welfare, this profile is kept in the agency’s archives.)

Great news is that the adoption records are kept for 70 years. The social worker’s profile contains as much identifying detail of the birth parents family, background history, interests, hobbies and circumstances of the adoption. Details such as birth dates, identification numbers and the full names of the birth mother’s parents are recorded if available. This aids tracing if the mother remarry and changes her name. If some of the information is not available the department of home affairs is able to provide some assistance in obtaining the information. A photograph of the birth parents, which is rare, completes the adopted child’s background.

In our adult life these documents are of vital importance to us, should we feel that we need to trace our origin. I think that once you start your search most adoptees feel that they have a fantastic home, and a very loving family, and they don’t want their adoptive parent to know about their search for fear or upsetting them. Most of the people who search are not looking for love, but they either need more background details to complete their picture.