31 December 2010
28 December 2010
22 September 2010
This blog consist of a whole lot of things, home life, issues, family, friends, general thoughts, Adoption search (as I am a adoptee) and infertility and I hope you will enjoy your read and that I’ll have more readers (followers) joining my blog.
I thought for this ICLW I will hand out a blog award to all of you who are interested in grabbing the award and who are willing to hand it out!
- Mentioned who tagged you
- Complete the list of 8’s
- Tag 8 people
- Tomorrow - we are going on a trip (little bit of leave)
- Saturday - as we will be watching the bulls game at the stadium (I can't wait)
- Spending lots of quality time with hubby
- December, cause I just love the festive times
- Writing my Project management exam shortly
- Mmm, Lunch, I’m so hungry right now
- Meeting a whole bunch of new people at work today, due to some interesting stuff happening on this side
- December - It's my birthday
- Had a craving for Biltong, and so I had to get some
- Watched a bit of television before going to bed
- Packed the Caravan for the trip
- spend some time with my mom
- Played with our new birdy
- Prepared a couple of presentations for today
- Sat in meetings and mentored someone for the day
- Had a good laugh at hubby cause he tried to get the birds attention by hitting the bell, and the birdy just snapped at his hand (ha-ha)
- I so wish I could just become pregnant
- Do either professional dancing or something
- Overcome my fear of needles so I can just do my own injections
- Have time off whenever it’s needed
- I wish I could do decoupage (but I’m not very patient with it)
- Go ice-skating (but I can’t at this moment)
- I wish I could do more reading
- Making handmade cards with own handmade papers
- Sewende laan - only on the odd occasion when I get time
- Ugly Betty
- Ghost whisperer
- Vampire diaries
- The O.C
- Days of our lives (I like this but hardly ever see it)
Mmm, this is a tricky one, all in SA though
I'm not tagging 8 specific people - I'm tagging all of you who are stopping by my blog.
Tag you’re it!
16 September 2010
Darn decisions decisions... what do all of you thing? What should I use? What should I do? Should I make it on my own? Should I get someone to make it? and if someone who will be able to help?
13 September 2010
Luckily this time round we actually know the place where we're going and will not land up in another muddy mess like the previous time, so JIPPY I just can't wait. We just have to wait and see how the whole trip will plan out!
On the fertility front, I'm sitting and awaiting AF in order for us to make an appointment for our 12 day scan! will keep you all posted
27 August 2010
The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.
23 August 2010
- Have you ever regretted making a decision?
- Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively?
- Have you ever felt alone?
Well that’s exactly how I feel
So here is my story… and I stick to it :-)
So here’s explaining the “making a bad decision part” about a year ago I was confronted with a opportunity to work permanently at my company, and I had to leave the contracting house I was working for permanently I really enjoyed working for the contracting house however being a contractor you really didn’t have a lot of stability and contracts and areas kept on changing and I was working away from home at times which impacted the family planning part of our lives. The interview was great okay the 3 interviews I had… It really sounded like a stable environment and an environment where I could grow it sounded like this was a well establish area and that there were lots of opportunities for me. It sounded like a place where I could be myself and enjoy my work as I love what I do and would never want to change my profession so I took the opportunity to come work permanently at my company. I resigned from the contracting house even though I was really enjoying the work there! My first couple of projects in the new company was great and especially the first one and I had a great opportunity to proof what I’m worth, but then it all started….
Now let me explain the “Regretting making a decision” part
My boss is the type of person who prefers to tell the entire team stuff as the team needs to understand where one is emotionally and personally. So I had to explain all the fertility treatment stuff with my boss and my colleagues in order for them to understand when I pop out the office for tests or for treatment and for them to understand when you go through anything emotionally (not that I think some people even care about all these things, and I still think that some people are uncomfortable with me sharing all this). I really didn’t want to share all the struggles with infertility because I feel that this is personal, it’s something I need to deal with and only our closes friends and family really know about our struggle but eventually I had to share this in order for me to get time off to go for appointments, test and all those things, it all worked out kind of okay.! The team knew where I went and they really didn’t ask a lot of questions and when I left they had no issues with me leaving earlier or coming in later. Now a year later I find it more and more difficult to make any type of appointment as work time always has to come first, you see there is no employment act that states that you are allowed time off for these type of treatments and it really depends on you boss and the company. So you’re not allowed to just take time for appointment at the clinic, and when I now have to go for any type of treatment I need to do this between the opening hours and 12PM as the appointment are only scheduled in the mornings till 12. So I’m kind off in a catch 22. I can’t get time off and when I do ask I have to answer a lot of questions which makes me uncomfortable, and in some cases when I try and put in leave my leave is rejected because of the projects that I work on and deliverables that is coming up. So this kind off make me regret making the decision to move when I had all the opportunity with my previous employer. (Please just note that I by no means say my employer is bad it’s a great company to work for it’s just that infertility and time off kind off suck at this present moment)
Now let me explain the “Have you ever felt that a decision has impacted your life negatively”
You see for some reason I always end up being hurt some time. It’s actually such a long story but I’ll try and explain this briefly. There are times that people actually don’t care when children are part of adult conversations, or there’s times that you actually don’t notice them, but when children is part of these conversations they actually do listen, whether they understand what is being discussed or not… believe me they listen, and when they hear I always thought that they will not discuss this or bring this up because they were not suppose to listen or that they didn’t understand what was said… but O boy was I so wrong! We have wonderful friends; friends we got to know and grew very close to over the last couple of years, almost 4 years to be exact. They have lovely children and I really love being with them and I really love their children. They have always been there for us and their children have spent a bit of time over by us as well. I would really not want to loose them as friends, but on Friday nigh I got a wake up call again, and to be honest it was hurtful, so much that I had to cry myself to sleep. On Friday night we quickly went over to our friends’ house as hubby felt like having a drink with our friend and I was spending some time between the children. It was really very relaxing to just sit there and watch TV with the kiddies, but then one of the children mentioned that I don’t have children and that I wouldn’t have (I don’t want to explain the whole conversation), but it HIT HOME… IT HIT DEEP. And I would have never expected it to touch me so much but it did, and me and hubby ended up (after we left) fighting over the fact that I hardly have any time or that I hardly make any time to sort myself out and to carry on planning for our future and for our child. So now I know that I have negatively impacted my live by the choice I made to move from the contracting house even hubby feels the brunt of my decision. I made the decision to move, I knew that I had fertility issues and I knew that we had to do treatments and my decision has officially impacted that and hubby is just getting more and more frustrated. It’s because of my choice to have more stability in my life and now I just regret this decision as this officially negatively impact my life and it’s terrible
Now lastly let me explain the “I feel alone part”
After we left our friends house, I felt very crappy, I really felt so emotional (and like I said I don’t really understand why but the comment hit home) and I was chatting to hubby about it to kind off vent. I really had to get this out of my system. I really felt hurt, but hubby just added to this whole thing and it turned out to be a big fight. I suppose it’s because he never really talk about the infertility. He carries on as if we have a normal life without any issues, and then at times he has his little explosions and Friday night was one. After his little explosion I kind of felt as if I keep him back in life, I feel that he could have had a full life with children which he always have wanted, but instead, he is stuck with me… - Okay here’s some self pity I know – he is stuck with someone who can’t seem to get it right to give him children, whose body has always let them down and I can see what that is doing to him and it hurts me. I have mentioned time and time again that if he feels that it is time for him to move on to be happy with children that he should. I’m sure I’ll manage on my own I’m sure I’ll survive and I’m very sure that God will someday bless me with a child. I keep hoping, I keep praying and I keep wishing.
With this I end off the post for today, and I thought I’ll leave you all with a small message to break the depressing mood of this post. Forgive me for venting on my blog today, but I really needed to vent and I knew that my blog will be a safe place for me to vent and be supported by my Blog friends!
11 August 2010
As most of you would know I really needed the time off to just relax a bit, and with the public holiday it was just fantastic… I tried for a couple of days more but unfortunately wasn’t that lucky to be able to get those days as well. Anyway it was still great.
So on Friday we got home and decided to braai with hubbies brother, his wife and their son, and we played a bit a pool, which was nice for a change. They didn’t really stay long as their son was playing club rugby the next morning and he obviously had to be rest out for that. Then Saturday we spend the day over at our friends, and as usual we played some dart and really had another really relaxing day. Then on Sunday hubby and I drove out for a while and were looking for an African grey, as hubby now again decided that he would really love to have a talking bird in the house. We really searched high and low, from the one bird farm to the next and we managed to find two different types, the red tail and the maroon tail, but hubby was still not satisfied so we had to continue looking. So Sunday eventually ended without a talking birdie at home. So on Monday (which was the public holiday) we drove out of town to a little store on the roadside that also have animals. It’s like a little pet shop… they have mice, birds, dogs, rabbits and all sorts of animals. So we stopped and looked at all the birdies they had.
Hubby then enquired about the Africa grey, but they only have little ones being taken from the parents next week, and then we would still have to feed them and honestly, nor me or hubby will be able to do that. It’s not going to be easy to try and feed the little ones at work, and I can’t really leave the birdie without food for the whole day. So we kept looking in the store. So they guy who works there (a real youngster) mentioned that they have another type of bird which can also talk and they are lovely as a pet. They are called Eclectus parrots, so we both went Huh… what? Anyway he then took us to a little glass room where he only had one little birdie sitting there. He explained that he has hand reared the little one and that the bird has just started to eat by himself. Both hubby and I just stood there, what a lovely bird. So as usual, we never carry money on us as it’s much safer and much easier to just buy with the debit card, but the store didn’t take cards. It at least gave hubby and me time to talk about the decision as the guy really didn’t give us any time to talk about our decision, and we prefer to make these types of decisions together.
Anyway so off we went to the nearest ATM which was about 10 min away from the store and 10 min back…. On our drive I “Google” and read as much about our little birdie and we decided that this birdie will definitely be a suitable pet for the both of us, and we returned to the store. On our arrival you could actually see that the guy was not expecting us back, but hey we returned with the money and ready to take our little pet home. He went into the room and clipped the wings for us, he then turned to one of the helpers and expressed how sad he was that the little one is leaving as he really loves the little one and he then handed our little pet over to us. Shame you could actually see how heartbroken this poor guy was to see the little bird go. So we quickly had to pack all the stuff, the cage and food, and we got in the car and started our trip back home. As we got home we went in the house, put our little new pet into his cage and introduced the two doggies to him, however Devonté didn’t want anything to do with this little new creature he was growling, licking the cage and sniffing, Uschcá really didn’t care at all, she walked in, sniffed and laid down close to where I was sitting… I suppose Devonté will still get use to him.
So people without further ado please meet our new member of our family – Whisky (hubby named him)
I thought I’ll ad a bit about this type of bird (information obtained from the web and books bought)
The Eclectus Parrot - They are stocky short-tailed parrots; it measures around 35 cm in length. The male is mostly bright green with a yellow-tinge on the head. It has blue primaries, and red flanks and under wing coverts. Its tail is edged with a narrow band of creamy yellow, and is dark grey edged with creamy yellow underneath, and the tail feathers are green centrally and more blue as they get towards the edges. The upper mandible of the adult male is orange at the base fading to a yellow towards the tip, and the lower mandible is black.
Unlike many other species of parrot they are relatively easy to breed yet difficult to hand feed. Eclectus in captivity require vegetables high in beta-carotene, such as lightly cooked sweet potato, fresh broccoli clumps, and fresh corn on the cob. Fresh greens such as endive or commercial dandelion are a very important in providing calcium and other nutrients. Spray millet is one of the seed items they enjoy, though the Eclectus diet should typically contain much less seed than other birds. A variety of soaked and cooked beans and legumes, along with brown rice, provided in limited amounts help provide protein. Nuts and seeds provide vitamin E, but should be limited in order to avoid too much fat in the diet, as Eclectus parrots can become obese.
The Eclectus are remarkable birds and ideally suited as a pet. When taught properly, they are capable of cognitive behavior from a very young age. The ability of the Eclectus to communicate with humans is a result of their extremely inquisitive nature, a feature strongly linked to their life in the rainforest canopy. This habitat is a rich environment requiring a heightened visual and audible intellect to master. When treated in a similarly caring and intelligent way they will quickly learn to communicate cognitively. Eclectus also prefer a calm environment and have a strong ability to notice changes within their normal surroundings. These highly intelligent birds are very animated and love to participate in daily activities and in doing so, will quickly become acquainted with a daily routine. Eclectus can be kept with other parrot species although it is extremely important that any new bird is introduced in the correct fashion. This involves providing one on one attention with the original bird and as much as possible, maintaining its normal daily routine.
02 August 2010
So this weekend was filled with lots of good times, fun, laughter and shooting…. Shooting yes you’re reading right.
Anyway, Friday night was not that full of excitement as once again I got home with a terrible headache, it was once again one of those days where poor hubby had to spend hours trying to massage and get the headache away. He is really getting irritated with this whole thing, and have mentioned a couple of times in a couple of days that I have to go to see a doctor, but then when I tried for leave this morning I got told that I can’t take. So I’m not to sure when I will be able to go to the doctor. I sometimes wonder why it’s okay for some people to be off and some people to have that freedom but others don’t.
Then Saturday was the Bundu Expo – it wasn’t as great as all the other years. I was kind off disappointed. They had very little stalls in comparison to last year, very little fishing stuff and lots of clothes, biltong, and those kind of things. Hubby really couldn’t get what he wanted, but we still managed to enjoy the day. He bought a couple of small things for himself which he will be trying out soon, so hopefully it wasn’t all that bad of an experience for him either. The one thing we managed to enjoy the most – which we normally don’t do was the rides. There were 2 rides which we went on. Sunette and I went on first and begged the men to go on as well, but they were so skeptical. Then we went a second time, and we convinced the two men to go on. So they went and me and Sunette were standing there at the bottom and had a good laugh at them while they were on this ride… it was so funny to see the two of them rattled.
The Sunday (yesterday) was our friends’ birthday – and we went over for a braai. We also had an opportunity to shoot with a crossbow a bit, and let me tell you it was great fun. Something I couldn’t seem to get right was to shoot with the air riffle but I managed very well with the crossbow. I am so proud of myself as I really managed to shoot a bull.
Okay then on a more personal note and what I mean with personal is more on the fertility side of things.
I have been so good at tracking all my cycles either via my blog, my outlook calendar, my calendar on my cell phone, in a grid on my bedside table to do temping or even in my diary. I have never missed on cycle, well never missed it till now. So normally when the spotting start I make a note in my calendar to say that spotting started and then for CD1 I obviously write down CD1, but I suppose with everything going on at work and stuff that this had just slipped my mind. I made a little note on 4 July saying that there were brown spotting, but I never made a note to indicate on which day CD1 started. Normally the Spotting day also turns into the first cycle day, but there are also times that this doesn’t happen and that the spotting and first cycle day is a couple of days apart. Well counting from the 4th of July where I indicated the spotting started it means that I’m on CD 30 today, and this has only ever happened once before where a cycle goes to 30 days or more. Okay hang on there were one other time as well where I had a 40 day cycle but it was really way back in the day and it was all related to stress and normally my cycle are between 26 – 28 days or sometimes like in June I only had like a 22 day cycle, but then I marked the 10th of July with a little mark across and I’m not sure what I wanted to indicate on that day but I never wrote anything next to that day. For some reason I marked it but why? And if that was to indicate the start of the cycle I never wrote it down, but if that was the start I should be sitting on day 24 of my cycle, I’m now really confused I’m not sure if I’m late and if I’m late because of all the tension at work, or if I’m not late and the 10th was the actual start and that I’ve just forgotten to mark it. I’m also to scared to test cause in the back of my mind I assume it will be a negative (cause how can I fall pregnant if I didn’t go through treatment) but I also think that I should do the POAS (Pee on a stick) thing because I’m taking tablets for my headaches and I don’t want to spoil to only chance I have of possibly being pregnant (and I keep wishing for that but trying not to get my hopes up).
So I’m really in a catch 22 situation. If I test and it’s negative (at least I’ll know and I can stop stressing that I could potentially be pregnant and I know I will kind of still be upset because it is negative) and I don’t have to worry every time I need to take something for my headache. Or I test and it’s positive and I know I need to get to a doctor soon (and that will be a miracle). So what to do… do I or do I not? Do I POAS or do I wait till Wednesday which will be day 26 or Friday which will be cycle day 28 if I indicated CD1 with the little mark under the 10th of July or do I wait because Friday will be cycle day 34 if the spotting day on the 4th indicated CD1… Argh I’m going to drive myself nuts! What should I do?
So that was the weekend and my update on this wonderful cycle of mine and I’m back at work, and feeling stressed already, but we will just have to hang in there!
Hope you have a good week everyone! And please give me your thoughts I will appreciate it?
29 July 2010
The last 2 weeks I’ve been standing up and been going to bed with a headache. I know I need to go see a doctor, but unfortunately I can’t seem to get to the doctors offices before they are closed and at this point of I don’t really want to go to the emergency services to see the doctor there, because I really need to save all the cents we have for our treatment. Anyway, I need to make a plan and get to the doctor.
This weekend will be one of the best weekends again; the bundu expo is starting again. I haven’t been able to go for a lot of them, but for the last 3 years I managed to go with hubby as this is really one of the expos he enjoy going to. It’s basically fishing stuff, but there is hunting stuff, boats and those sort of things and off cause they normally have lots and lots of beer.
I will be posting some pictures on Monday I promise
How are all of you doing?
05 July 2010
There comes a time in life
When you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it, and surround yourself with People who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all, life is too short to be anything but happy!
I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong, so that you can appreciate them when they're right. Sometimes you will believe lies till you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so Better things can come together for YOU!
15 June 2010
As you all know this month has been a month with no planning. We had to do a couple of other things which urgently needed our attention and we weren’t really able to do all of these things while planning as financially it wouldn’t have been possible.
So anyway this month has made me realized how really bonkers my body has gone.
Let me explain
Normally throughout my cycle I have had very little indication of what was happening to my body. I used to have slight to none breast tenderness and hardly ever felt ovulation. I have had a lot of cramps the day before AF and have a close to death experience every time AF arrives. Sometimes I wondered whether I’ll die from all the pain that AF brings, but here I am, still alive and kicking. So anyway… what makes me believe that my body has gone bonkers? Okay so on this cycle (Without meds and NO planning) I seriously had breast tenderness… no let me rephrase that one… It’s been sore so bloody sore, and I don’t think the words express the pain, but anyway, I’m always very, very, very sure that I have felt ovulation. Which I tested with the OPK test and it turned out to be positive and then off cause AF. Well AF is still to come as I’m only on CD22, but yet again this morning for some reason my dear body has showed me another little thing al of a sudden this morning I now have a brown/pinkish color discharge. What the hell? What is this? Never had this really before? Why would this happen? Is it because I didn’t use meds this cycle? And YA I’m thinking enough with the Questions! I kind of need answers…
And while I sit and type I’m trying to diagnose myself. Thinking of all possible answers to all the questions, trying to concentrate on whether I have pain, whether there is any indication of early AF. Could it just be AF, and yet again we’ll be back to square 1… BACK TO PLANNING
Well I hope my ranting didn’t chase away any of my readers!
Have an awesome day; I know I will as tomorrow is a public holiday for all in SA
11 June 2010
07 June 2010
Life is treating me well, well that's one a personal level. On the fertility front, I'm not really trying for anything this month. we have decided that we needed to do a couple of other things this month, which desperately needed attention. so hopefully as from next month we can start looking at the savings again and start to save for our IVF.
Will write back soon with other news
17 May 2010
10 May 2010
So Thursday morning started very bright and early, and P and I had to rush off to the Clinic seeing that it a bit of travel for us. Got there P delivered our little swimmers and then off he went as his boss is kind of funny with him wanting to be late and be with me. So I told him to just go I don’t want any issues at this stage of my life. Anyway so Pre-ovulation IUI was done. I am a bit skeptical as the Ovulation predictors kit showed that I ovulated already. Then again Friday morning myself and P went very early, dear hubby was such a sweetie, he then once again delivered our little swimmers and this time round he had breakfast before he had to rush off to work, which left me feeling a bit in a better mood than Thursday.
So eventually I returned to the Clinic and had to sit and wait for my turn. When I went into the little procedure room I sat and waited for Dr to arrive and felt very teary eye. Starting to question everything in my head, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to give myself the answers, but I really had all these questions. Dr Then stepped in, he completed the IUI and off he went to the next room. While I was laying there all kind of emotions got the better of me as I lay their and having a little cry. I don’t know why I feel like crying but I do. Afterwards I picked up my progesterone cram and Utrogestan tablets and headed to work where I have a jam packed day filled with lots of issues.
Of cause the weekend follows all of this, and let me tell you what an exhausting weekend but it was fun. My friends little girl played netball and my godchild rugby, and it’s so amazing to see these little once try their utmost best at this weird and wonderful game. So Saturday morning was my first day of progesterone cream and the night my first Utrogestan, which didn’t leave me with any side effects, except for the fact that my breasts are so tender that even the water from the shower makes me want to cry. I have never experienced so much tenderness in my breasts ever before. It’s been to such extend that I kept on waking up during the night whenever I moved or turned. I don’t know why it feels like this, but what I do know is that I’ll have a couple of sleepless nights till the tenderness settles.
SO LADIES AND GENTS… my 2WW (2 Week Wait) has officially started and I will be testing sooner thought as Dr is a bit concerned so I will test on cycle day 26 which is 17 May 2010.
Wish me luck and send me tons of baby dust I really need it!
05 May 2010
So last night while I was on training, I really had to inject my Ovidrel injection, however seeing that I’m always to scared to just inject myself I normally go to the closes emergency service but this time I really couldn’t as I had training during the time period in which I had to do the injection. So off I went. First I sat down, I could feel my body starting to shake from nervousness I pinched the skin on my stomach and I thought now or never and I stuck it in.
I have to say it actually felt better that someone else injecting you. It didn’t feel as sore.
So ladies and gentlemen MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! I DID IT!
04 May 2010
03 May 2010
Now back to CD12, I really like my Doctor, at the most darkest times he really tries his best to make you feel so much better, he asked me how the injections was, explained again how I should administer them myself and then after I told him about my bad experience at the hospital he said…. “Stuff the people…. We are the people, and don’t you let anyone tell you what to do. It’s all in your hands” so off I went after this discussion and went for my scan. On my left side I didn't stimulate and there are many follies, but they are so small, they will not grow quick enough, then on my right side there are 2 nice follies. One measuring 15.1 and the other 17.3, so I’ll be going for my Ovidrel injection tomorrow night, but seeing that my body is so slow with everything where I normally have the IUI procedure done the next day, we will only have it done Pre-ovulation on Thursday and Post Ovulation on Friday and then off cause the 2 week wait starts.
28 April 2010
Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
- Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
- Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
- Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
- Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
- Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
22 April 2010
I’m back from leave and will give you all an update soon!
Just wanted to pop in and tell you that I’ll be starting a new cycle. I started with the first 2mg Estrogen again this morning, and await my next prescription.
Please send me lots of ***good vibes***
25 March 2010
AF started at about 9 this morning, which resulted in me having some cramps and quit a bit of pain. I really do hate it when AF starts at work, especially if it is so painful. I don’t know how to relieve the pain, don’t know how to sit and just feel uncomfortable and irritable, but HEY I’m not complaining at least AF started after a 35 day cycle. Now i just have to hang in here till it’s time for my scan again. I just hope all the dates will work out between the clinic and my leave… I really need the leave
I just can’t wait for the 1st of April….
We managed to get a spot to go out camping for a while, luckily I have people who will be able to stay in my house while I’m away and I don’t have to stress about my two fur-babies. I can’t wait to just go out and have some fun in the sun before our winter starts.
This is the place where we will be going to
23 March 2010
Welcome to my blog and I hope you have a happy ICLW, please sign my guestbook when you do have a moment! http://lifesjourney-stef.blogspot.com/p/guestbook_9508.html
It's always the best time of the month, as I get around to other blogs and somehow also manages to find a couple of new followers which is so great!
Enjoy your day
18 March 2010
Anyway, I had a progesterone test done last week Friday, which the results is captured in one of my previous posts. It really didn’t come out high. The on Monday IF clinic gave me a call as Dr was concerned with the fact that after using all these meds and injections my progesterone did sweet nothing.
So Yesterday off I went to another lab to have the same test done to see if we were getting the same results, but it was way-way-way better. The results in fact were 182 which have a variance of 174 in comparison to the test done of Friday last week. So now what happened? Was the previous result by any chance wrong???
With the progesterone test, we also had our official pregnancy test….
Before I spill the results, I want to thank all of you who were supportive this cycle and who did a prayer for us, but unfortunately we’re counting another BFN on our charts.
So for now, I’m going into my feeling sorry for myself spot… and would have to get myself out of the slump all over again.
16 March 2010
Please would you take the time to sign my guestbook, it will be greatly appreciated
So I’m already feeling teary.... but I'm now also not understanding casue the info I found explains the following
hCG levels during pregnancy
(in weeks since last menstrual period)
- 3 weeks LMP 5 - 50 mIU/ml
- 4 weeks LMP 5 - 426 mIU/ml
- 5 weeks LMP 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
- 6 weeks LMP 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
- 7 - 8 weeks LMP 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
- 9 - 12 weeks LMP 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
- 13 - 16 weeks LMP 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
- 17 - 24 weeks LMP 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
- 25 - 40 weeks LMP 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
- non pregnant 55-200 ng/ml
12 March 2010
I really didn’t enjoy this week that much, as work was piling on my desk, responsibilities became more and then off cause my little old moods because of all the lovely meds and injections. My bum hurts of the Gestone injections and I really feel like I’m burning up because of the HOT flushes
Anyway, there I was on Wednesday morning standing in the garden at work minding my own business and chatting to a lady that works with me, I explained how the meds were making me feel and overall the emotional rollercoaster that I’m on. So this other lady obviously eavesdropping turned around and said: There is a stunning Dr in Pretoria who will sort you out 1.2.3… It’s a Chinese doctor and he specialized in everything, from stress to infertility. Obviously I responded with the fact that I already have a Dr and that I feel very comfortable with this Dr, so then she continued: Why is it that people who is infertile always pray and ask for their baby, why don’t you just go on your knees and start saying thank you. Thank him for the baby his given you. Maybe if you start believing your not infertile and that you are in fact pregnant maybe you’ll have the satisfaction of a baby.
Now that was it…. I was so close at snapping her. I really felt like exploding and screaming at her (which I didn’t do but really wanted to) how the hell will she know. She has never gone through infertility and when she carried her second son, she really tried everything in the book to loose the baby. She drank, she smoked etc, but at the end the baby was born and is now about 6 months.
So anyway, I had to collect my thoughts and emotions and really had to focus on just smiling and then turned and walked back in to the building ignoring basically everything.
Okay so after this whole thing, I felt a bit depressed and just had to get done with the day.
Then this morning….
Early up and off I went for my injection – you will not believe I still can’t do the injections myself. Anyway while I was there I also had blood drawn as I have a progesterone test due today. So I believe, pray and Hope that the progesterone levels are 100% fine. Please, please, please I really need them to be okay. I really need to know if I can get a positive. Do you know how it feels if you have never experienced a positive. Okay except 1 when I was very much younger… I don’t even know if we can have a positive. Man I really hate this feeling and the fact that I doubt in us, so I need to try and stay focused, pray, believe and hope that this will be our cycle
08 March 2010
I thought that the post for today will cover what has happened in our world the last couple of days
On Wednesday 3 March 2010 (CD15), I had another scan as mentioned in my previous post and everything felt like it was on track. Then Thursday morning came, and with it came spotting. So off cause I was terrified that CD1 is about to come sooner than expected, so I phoned the clinic and they put my mind a little to rest, as it could be because of the scan. So I had to monitor the bleeding and report back if there were any stronger bleeding, which luckily didn’t happen.
Bright and early on Saturday we were up and ready to dash off to the clinic which is about an hour 15min drive from our home. As we got there they were already waiting for us. So P did what he had to, and we went off to have a breakfast while we were waiting. Then at about 9:30am we returned and we did our pre-ovulation IUI, which really went well, no cervical problems… JIPPY and I spend most of the day relaxing as much as possible. We walked around at the show later on during the day, which was kind of nice, but I really didn’t feel like I did all the years before. It wasn’t really as much fun as the previous years.
Anyway, Sunday morning again up at sparrows fart, went to the Clinic, and this time round they were a bit late. Then the most terrible thing happened... I just can’t believe that people has become so unprofessional, impersonal, unemotional about this whole infertility thing, especially not the people that work with these things daily. The lady asked us for our sample, and because it might take us longer than an hour to get there, she should have known by now that we produce the sample there (O yes and I mentioned it the Saturday). Anyway, there were another couple that also went for IUI, and the guy got his turn to go into the room, she then directed us to another room.
She said: “you can use the room on this side”
Me: “O is there rooms, I’ve never been to one of them:
She: “Yes here you go” pointing towards the room.
As I came around the corner to look at the room she directed us straight into the toilet. Lovely…
Anyway, IUI post-ovulation was done on Sunday 7 march 2010, and I’ve started with the progesterone vaginal cream this morning, I’ll also start with Utrogestan capsules tonight 2x 100mg at night before I go to sleep, and on CD23 (11 March 2010) I’ll start on Gestone injections. Hopefully my body will play its part and absorb the progesterone as needed. All I can do now is wait out my 2 weeks and on 19 March 2010 I’ll do my blood test.
Please hold thumbs…
Wishing all the other ladies lost of luck on their journey... and myself with my own 2ww
03 March 2010
Anyway, went to the clinic today and I was really optimistic and very positive... (Only good vibes), so Dr did my scan, and there they were, my precious (and I really mean they are precious to me) follicles. One measuring a full 19.3mm (this one was the original 15.5) and another one which were initially 14.5 has grown to a full 15mm, there a number of other smaller once measuring +- 13 - 15 so IT'S A GREAT CYCLE LADIES IT'S JUST GREAT! I have never seen more than 1 - 2 follicles, and now it more... (Attracting good vibes)
I believe that my clock has turned and I hope only good things will come my way!
So here's the schedule for the weekend
- Friday - take the Ovidrel injection
- Saturday - First insemination (Before ovulation)
- Sunday - second insemination (after ovulation)
01 March 2010
Anyway, I rediscovered my blood group which I have totally forgotten what group I was (hey but now I know) and the rest of the blood works came back pretty good except for my Sugar levels and Progesterone levels. So this really made me feel down again. Dr have prescribed Glucophage for me and I started using the tablets at night for the first week and then one in the morning and one at night for the next 6 months. So we'll have to see how on earth I’m going to cope with that, as it really makes you run to the loo very very very often.
Over and above this, I got new Fertomid tablets and more Gonal F... Why you'd ask, and the only answer I want to give is my bloody body again, but to put it nicely: My body has once again been on the slow side on CD 12 I have only 2 follicles which are almost there one on the left is 13.5mm and the one on the right is 14.5mm. So another scan has been scheduled for Wednesday to see how the follicles have progressed.
Wish me luck girls... and please please please keep me in your thoughts as I really need thoughts and prayers this cycle! Feeling a bit on the down side
On the working front:
Well we start with our official Night classes today, and believe me when I tell you I doubt if I’m going to make these 3 months. Every Monday we'll be going off at 15:00 as the traffic towards that area is very hectic and the classes start at 5, and I’ll only get home at 23:00 tonight. Luckily hubby will be able to look after himself, and I'll grab something to eat on my way there.
So that's my very quick update... enjoy this week
22 February 2010
Thank you for stopping by, I know that most of you are stopping by for ICLW, and hope that I will find more friends and readers through out this week.
I wanted to leave you all with a little thought for the week
16 February 2010
About a month ago, a little sty and infection started to form on my left eye, and when I saw the Dr he gave me some antibiotic and cream to put on, well it never seemed to have gone away. Now about a month later I still had the same bump on my eye which was very irritable and scratchy and last night it just felt like my whole eye was about to fall out. So we decided to go over to our emergency rooms as no Dr’s office is open after 6pm. So at about 7:30 we were at the emergency rooms waiting for the Dr on call to see us.
Off I went into the emergency ward where the Dr saw me, and explained that they would have to make an incision on the eye lid, off cause this would be painful he said, however it something that they would have to do. So they prepared everything and as I was lying there, he made the incision on the left eye lid and squeezed out all the puss. OUCH! Is about all I can say without sounding like the worst sailor ever.
Anyway, as if that wasn’t enough, you see we only left there at about 10pm, which meant that I couldn’t eat anymore. I had some blood works from the Fertility Clinic which I had to go for today and it was suppose to be done fasting. NICE, so bloody nice… Now here is grumpy me, hungry, thirsty and really sore… but I survived.
So on arrival at work, one of my colleagues went with me over to the one clinic close by, we decided to have a walk there as it is about 100 meters from work, nice morning breeze, and what a walk, it was great to be out in the open for a change. Anyway, 10 vials of blood later I walked out of there. We rushed back to work; I got a toasted and coffee, and have never had breakfast so fast in my entire life. I was starving! So Dr testing about everything here are the list (and no official medical explanation but rather my understanding of the test):
- Glucose fasting (measure the amount of glucose in the blood right at the time of sample collection)
- Insulin fasting (used, often along with glucose and C-peptide levels, to help diagnose insulinomas and to help diagnose documented acute or chronic (fasting) hypoglycemia)
- TSII (testing of the Thyroid)
- Free T4 (Total T4 and free T4 are two separate tests that can help the doctor evaluate thyroid function)
- FSH (FSH levels are also useful in the investigation of menstrual irregularities and to aid in the diagnosis of pituitary disorders)
- LH (The LH blood test measures the amount of luteinizing hormone)
- 17-B Oestradiol (E2) (associated with changes in ovarian steroid levels)
- Progesterone (measures the amount of the hormone progesterone in a blood sample)
- Free Testosterone (needed for hormonal balance and to help women’s bodies to function normally)
- Growth hormones (Growth hormones are the chemical stimulation that initiates cell division, bone growth, and a number of other physical processes within the human body)
- Prolactin (ordered along with other tests, when a woman is experiencing infertility or irregular menses)
- Antenatal (Incl. HIV) (testing things like your blood group, Rhesus factor, Iron levels, red blood cell abnormalities, Syphilis, German measles, hepatitis B, and HIV)
- B-HCG Quantitative (pregnancy test)
- Phospholipid antibodies (testing antibodies – complications caused by Antiphospholipid Antibody could cause miscarriages)
- ANF (anti Nuclear factor – is an antibody. The presence of this antibody raises a number of possibilities – positive test possibility of Arthritis, Scleroderma.)
Now I’m waiting in anticipation for AF, and my test results… so wish me luck!
10 February 2010
You see, the thing is… even though I think we have made up our minds; there is still a part of us holding on to what we’re currently doing. Yes we could spend this small fortune and adopt, or we could try 2 more IVF’s or what ever is in store for us, we have also not yet considered a surrogate yet, and my sister in law so willingly offered the other day.
I feel a bit torn between all of these decisions, and need some guidance; so I booked an appointment with our IF Clinic and will discuss all our options with them on Friday 12 February 2010. I really hope that after this meeting I’ll be able to walk out and know what we need to do. I totally feel out of control, and I’m normally such an in control person. It just really isn’t making any sense right now. I just don’t know how to make the decision right now, and I hope Friday will give me some direction.
I know there are many of you that have gone through all of these emotions, and have decided the one or the other, and I’ll appreciate your views.
01 February 2010
- Excited – tick
- got all the info needed for now – tick
- Read all about the laws that was available – tick
- prepare one emotionally – I think this is still not ticked
- Starting our Journey – Priceless
28 January 2010
Well it’s a new year, and with that I suppose all new things start. Looking back at everything we went through so far made me realize that after almost 11 years of marriage we are still alone. Our families have expanded and they have the most stunning boys my one sister in law has 3 and the other 1, and believe me when I tell you, their boys are adorable and truly stunning kids.
Then I look at myself and P, we have not accomplish any pregnancy and it makes me wonder if I will be dying one day and still be alone, and the thought is really unbearable. You know I sit and wonder why this is meant for me. It’s not as if I had the best life ever. My mother gave me, my sister and my 2 brothers up for adoption. They know nothing of me, and I off them. I grew up with lovely adoptive parents and lost my adoptive farther 9 years ago, I truly loved him so much and I think of him daily. Then I got married to the most wonderful guy. Yes we all have our problems but he is really supportive, and so our journey started as we wanted to expand our little family, but so far it’s a journey without luck. I know I will be a good mother, I know P will be the best father, but it now feels like that is one thing that will not become a reality for us, and it makes me sad.
P and I sat down the other night and really had a very good discussion. We were really looking at everything and all the possible ways that we will be able to have our little pink feet in our house. We spoke about Surrogacy, IVF’s and ICSI and so the list just grew. We were talking about everything we will be willing to do and what not, what we want in life, and what not, what we need, and what not, what we will cope with, and what not and… and… and… After this long discussion I think we finally decided, and I’m so glad we have decided together and we had exactly (well most of it) the same needs and thoughts about all of the processes. P and I have begun our process. The process of adopting our little pink feet…
We have made our first official appointment with an Adoption worker and we will be meeting with her on Tuesday 2 February 2010, I feel so many emotions at this stage that I don’t even know where to start. I am so scared, and all that it currently going through my mind is what if’s… yes I know it is still too early, but I am like that. I always try and see all the negatives and positives to every situation.
I don’t know all the laws and processes yet, and look we still have lots to learn, but I believe this is our first step again, and I will have to take it one day at a time whether it’s happy or sad, good or bad, we will get to the end of our journey one day!
If you know anything about the adoption laws and processes in SA, please send me some comments.
I would love to hear from you!
25 January 2010
This weekend was the best weekend I had in a very long time.
My sister in laws boy turned 7 this weekend (23 January 2010) and we went out to
We got up at sparrows fart to get ready and leave home, as we are about 2.5 hours drive from
On arrival we walked through the casino bits and what a stunning place, anyway as we got to the other side we handed in our tickets and went down to the sea (man made sea). We quickly got our little beach chairs, tubes for the rides, umbrellas for shading and off cause something soothing to drink. The men left us to walk the place. On their return the did the drop slide which they found very interesting; however hubby said he will never try that one again for the day. As it was Armons’ birthday we were all dedicated to spend the time with him. So off we went into the sea and waited for the waves… riding wave after wave we decided to go ride the tubes in the tunnels, but on our way there my sis in law and I decided to do the drop slide thing, which left my top under my chin, and my bikini and shorts up my bum – ha but it was great fun… From riding the waterslide (Which almost gave me a heart attack at this age), to trying to run in a ball, which I said I’ll never do - I have giggled and battled so much, I’m still aching today. It was an amazing day.
At about 6, after the Valley of waves closed down, Armon had the time to play in the entertainment centre and for one or other reason he just wanted to play with hubby and now and again his dad, but at least he had fun. We then left at about 8 and off we went home, then off cause, the family felt a bit hungry and we had to stop off and eat something at spur before they closed down, and officially left the area at about 10, which left us with about 2 hours drive still, and at last we were home at about 12:00am.
When they left, Pieter and I just went straight to bed and only got up yesterday morning at 10:00am, which just come to show, we are getting old.