I LOVE BIRTHDAYS

I Really love Birthdays, especially when it’s mine…

I had the most amazing birthday on Saturday, hubby took me out for Dinner, and we had such a good time, I also got the gift I really wanted, but unfortunately it has not yet arrived, so hubby ended up showing me a picture **shame** he really tried to get stock of it but had to eventually ask the supplier to get this (import it I think), but I will get it at the end of this week.

I AM OFFICIALLY COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS FOR IT TO ARRIVE

EYES OF A STRANGER

I never realized that there was a song about Eyes of a stranger. When I create my blog, I through that it would be ideal to try and look into my life as if I’m someone outside of it, and that became my blog title, and so I received a email from a blog follower that referred me to the song:

How many of your blogs have lyrics that you can relate to your blog – I now know I have:

Song - Eyes of a stranger

Performed by - Thunderstone

Eyes of a stranger are watching me
Haunting my every single move
I feel like a victim with no reason why
Still there is no fear at all
I feel you, I hear you when you're not around
Presence so powerful confusing me
Now I am here all alone: with you.

Take a look behind and just realize
There's a stranger watching for all of us
When you think you're alone
Unprepared and so down
You might feel the eyes of a stranger

Protecting and leading my steps through the life
Guiding my way in this world of fears
Sometimes I'm lost and I'm so afraid
It's hard to find my way out by myself
I feel you, I hear you when you're not around
Presence so powerful confusing me
Now I am here all alone: with you.

Take a look behind and just realize
There's a stranger watching for all of us
When you think you're alone
Unprepared and so down
You might feel the eyes of a stranger

** I have never heard this song before, so I’m going to try and find it…

A BIT OF EVERYTHING

O wow, our leave was great. I really felt so refreshed when I returned. You can't believe what a wonderful time myself and hubby had and that we managed to have a very pleasant and relaxing time together.

and then....

we both had to return to work, and both of us are stressed out again.

but a number of things changed for me as well. I have been telling you all about this very exciting thing that I didn't want to jinx, well I might have. I was desperate to move on from where I currently work, I have tried to cope with what I had to go through, but I think mentally I just wasn't at the right place. So I went for a couple of interviews, but I don't think that my heart and mind wanted the same thing...

anyway, I just think that my brain told me that it was the right thing to do, but I realized that I'm happy where I am, I really love my job, I love all *some* of the people I work with and that I am wanting to leave because of decisions that I believe was wrongly made. Well I still think so but who cares what I think.

So just before I left, we received a notification advising us that we have been assigned a coach. I initially didn't feel so pleased with this, but realized what an amazing coach I got, and how I will be able to learn so much from my coach. So after I returned I spend a couple of sessions with my coach and WOW, I really think that I am at a much better space, I really value my coach so much. I managed to learn in a very small period that things *IS WHAT IT IS* You can't change it, but you can sure as hell change your attitude about things, and I am trying, and let me tell you IT'S WORKING. Stuff I really wanted to happen in my life, which I so desperately wanted for so long on a career level, suddenly doors are opening, don't know if everything will work out the way I hope, but yet again *IT WILL BE WHAT IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE*  but please hold thumbs, and hopefully I will be able to share a very exciting post one day telling you all about my Job or something great that happened.

So anyway - my birthday is one of these days, and my anniversary! I just can't believe that time has gone so fast. I will be married 13 Years this year on December 5, and turn 32. I'm very excited about it! I just can't wait for all my presents and all the love that is shared on birthdays and anniversaries, but then on the other hand I can't wait for the Festive season either. I am like a child during this time of the year, maybe because it starts so early for me with my birthday, and hey - i don't just want one gifts for all 3 the occasions I want plenty from hubby *smile*

Hope you all will have a break during the festive season, and that you will be spending time with family and friends... unfortunately I will be working...

• Will you be creating menus?
• Will you be cooking?
• What will you be preparing for the festive season?
• What's your plans for the festive season?

Hope to hear from you soon

HALLO!

Just a quick update
So week 2 of camping starts and its one week closer to going back to work argh!
I'm really enjoying the weather right now. Its lovely in the sun.
Remember the thing I posted about that I didn't want to jinx yet, well hopefully next week I'll be able to share this with you all.
Hope all is well on your side

CAN'T WAIT

I so can’t wait! It has been such a hectic year, emotionally and physically I’m exhausted and really need some time out.

On the other hand, I have some more exciting news to share, but will only be able to share this once its finalized (but you can always start guessing *smile*) I’m kind of skeptical to share this on my blog yet, because with my luck I might just jinx it.

So as of tomorrow 28/10/2011, I will be on leave…. YIPPY

If you know me by now, you will know that my dearest loving husband loves the outdoors, love camping, fishing and everything else that ladies normally don’t enjoy, but I had to learn to start to enjoy these things as it somehow brought us closer to one another. In the past because I never wanted to do these type of things he went with people who did enjoy this and I landed up having to spend time on my own and not being able to share anything with my husband. Look he also do what I want to, so I can’t complain, but he loves his stuff too.

Anyway, so we will be out camping – Ya you read it – camping in a caravan and fishing…. SO MAY THE BEST FISHERMAN WIN *smile*

I will try and keep you updated on our trip but don’t know if I will be able to, if not I will be back on 15/11/2011 and will give a update and O yes, hopefully I will be able to give you an update on my exciting news too.

Have a awesome weekend and week

WELCOME

Hi there and thank you for stopping by my blog, I can't remember when last I've been involved, but I am so excited that I will meet new people and maybe a few will stay to follow!
Have a fantastic weekend, and enjoy commenting!

VENTING

I’m a bit in a funny mood, cant really explain what’s been happening to me lately, but I know that where I am is not where I need to be right now.

Over time I’ve realized that I’ve lost some dear friend, that I made new friends and in the cyber world the same. I have made decisions that I now regret I have made decisions that I am thankful for and that life goes on. I’ve gone from being a very dedicated blogger, to being a less dedicated blogger and I miss the friend I had. I don’t know if its because some people kind of struggle with the upgrade on blogger and now cant comment (I’m one of them – I really have a hard time commenting on blogs if the blog comment box are embedded below the post) or if I have just lost them or their interest in my blog because I have been so out of touch lately. All I know is I love comments cause that lets me know you are out there.

So ya, its sounds like self pity today, but I miss it…

The last couple of years about 2 I’ve been working at this new (well not that new anymore) company. I’ve had very little time to go for any treatment during office hours, and I realized that people don’t understand why we take time off to go for these type of things. You find that people are judgmental, they have their own opinions about these kind of treatments and some people just don’t give a sh!t about what you feel and how they make you feel when they express their opinions. I have let myself down, I have kind of given up and become such a terrible blogger (this is how it feels) that I have lost most of my blog readers. Most of the people who encouraged me, supported me, the people I felt so comfortable with that I could say anything and I’d knew that they would have been there for me. Some of these people have also moved on from being infertile to becoming a mother, and here I am……

STILL F*&^ing infertile and feeling alone…. YA YA It’s self pity – but today I need to just pity myself….

I need to reach out for new friend (people who will be there and support me again) I need that, I need and want to go back on treatment and I’m taking a couple of steps to get that going again… but most of all at this time I need to be surrounded by people that’s going through this hell of a roller coaster ride, and who will be able to understand that you have your ups and your downs… I don’t know how to start reaching out again, but I know I need to....

I'm so sorry for putting it out there, but if I can't put it out there then where else will I find the space to vent...

SOME USELESS INFO

I have promised so many people that I will post some photos of my Dubai business trip, but have not yet been able to do so.

So what better time than now….

Arriving at the airport

this was the Hotel we were booked in

the stunning musical fountains

Just a bit of splashing around, before going back to the Hotel

Our wonderful desert trip, hey but this was fun. this was still early in the afternoon we started at around 3 and went home at about 9, after having a nice braai and entertainment

all of us obviously went for Henna

this was the reception of one of the hotels we went to for brunch on the Saturday

and off cause, in the hottest desert they have to have snow!

The view from the one end of the shopping center or shall I say, one of the many shopping centers

and upon arrival, our first Lunch together... SALAD! 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - WE HAVE LIFTOFF

I promised so many times, over and over again that I will not disappear from the blog world, and yet again I find myself responding to my blog after such a long time.

It has been very difficult for me to write anything the last couple of months and I find myself still in the little same boat and with the same waves rocking this little boat of mine.

I find myself between a rock and a hard place and really didn’t know how to deal with everything that happen the last couple of months, but I think only time will tell.

We have a plan – Yes believe it or not. We have a plan. We have decided that we will officially enter the adoption process and contacted a number of adoption agencies, and I know that there are so many couples out there that will form part of this process and that we might or might not be selected to become adoptive parents, but I’m optimistic that there is a greater plan for us and that what will be will be. The agency we decided on for now will open application for adoption in the new year, so we would have to submit all the necessary forms, they will ultimately only be able to select 6 couples and obviously it will depend on whether we get selected in the process to become adoptive parents, so I will keep you posted on this progress starting January.

Then we have also decided that in January it is time for us to go back on treatment. Yes can you believe it after such a long break I am ready to tackle the bull by its horns again. It is time for us to not play it save anymore, its time to not worry about all the emotions that go with it and to just do it! I came to realize that if you try and spare yourself any pain throughout this process you will never be able to fulfill your dream to have your perfect family. So officially in the New Year we will start going back.

Now i'm sure you would want to ask – why only the New Year, so here it is. There are a couple of conscious decisions we had to make, one of them was to change our lifestyle, and we had to set a target date for that. We have decided that from October – December we will make all those changes in our life and in and around our house, once all that’s done, we no longer have to worry and stress about these things and that we could focus on our next goal and that is to start our family.

As you would all know, I have been with a specific clinic all this time, and don’t have any issues with them, but in order for me to go to treatment and still be able to deliver things at work we would also like to investigate alternative fertility clinics, I have to be honest and say that it is not going to be easy for us to make this transition, but I managed to discuss this at work and after having so many issues with trying to get time off and now have the opportunity to do so and not take advantage of it, I would have to look for the most effective place to go. So I’ve started a bit of research and asked a couple of friends and everyone is giving their opinions which makes it a bit more difficult for me to decide. Some people try and look at success rate, I tried to get some stats on this, but maybe I suck at doing research cause I couldn’t get much, other people talk about the fact that some places have pregnant woman there, so ya the question is: Can I deal with that, and then there’s so many other opinions out there…. WHAT IS YOURS?

So I might not be able to blog about fertility or the adoption progress for the next 3 months, but I will be able to let you know how I am, and our progress of changes our life

Keep well you all, and I truly hope you are still reading my blog. Let me know you are still there!

HAVING A HARD TIME

Hi you all,

 

I’ve been having such a hard time to update anything on my blog for a while due to my internet connection. I haven’t really had the time to do anything from work as things have turned on its head at the office with all the stuff happening at this moment, but then at home when I really tried to update anything on my blog, I kept on getting a slow response “Poor signal” and didn’t manage to post anything.

 

I just wanted to let you know, that I have not lost contact with you, and even though you might not see any responses from me, I have tried to keep up to date as far as possible.

 

My internet connection now seems to be sorted out after I really had to turn into a real B*****, don’t know why we need to resort to these types of behavior just to get things sorted out, but hey its sorted and I now have access to my blog again.

 

Hope to hear from you soon, I really missed all my *Computer friends* and greatest support network!

 

 

 

I'M BACK

Wow, I can't believe that I've last posted in February.

To all of you who have been following, I'm so sorry that I have dissapeared, but things were so hectic on this side that I hardly had any time for myself or my blog, but I have sorted myself out and feel so much better (I promise I will give you more details in the next couple of days) and will be back blogging like I always did.

Have a blessed week, and remember to stop by again soon to read all about me and our way forward.

BY MY SIDE POST ONLINE

 Hi you all,

I just wanted to quickly let you know that my story I submitted to the By My Side project has been posted online here: http://www.mydestinationfamily.org/by-my-side-our-heroes. 

Hope you are all doing well.

ONLY MY HUBBY

I hope most of you have submitted yout story on WHO'S BEEN BY YOUR SIDE?

I did... and here's my story about my loving husband

I have married my best friend and truly the love of my life.

He has been so supportive through our infertility journey.

He has shown commitment, he is tagging along when I change my mind; he provides me comfort on the days when I feel that my life has ended every time I get a negative result. He has supported me with both, emotional and physical challenges.

The days when I cry, he lends an ear and listens without judging or making any remarks. And when I’ve gone through any form of operation or treatment, he would always try to go the extra mile to help out with all the things he could.

He is truly the best person to have by your side. I love him very dearly

WHO'S BEEN BY YOUR SIDE?

As someone who has struggled with infertility, you've seen many highs and lows throughout your journey, and perhaps, at times, you’ve felt alone. But it’s likely you have never been completely alone. Whether you’re trying to get pregnant or you’ve successfully built your family using one of several infertility options, including embryo donation, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association wants to hear about the person who has been by your side. Send them your story about this person and he or she may be profiled on MyDestinationFamily.org in February as we recognize those who have been there for us.

Visit http://www.mydestinationfamily.org/bymyside/ to learn more about the project and the many creative ways you can tell them about your special someone. They are open to receiving all sorts of submissions – including a photo with a caption, a personalized Google voice message, a YouTube video, a poem or simply a paragraph or two. It’s just a small way to show your appreciate and say, “Thank you,” for all the times this person has been there to support you.

If you’re able to share this project through your Twitter account or on your blog, they will appreciate your support in spreading the word.

The will be taking submissions now and will accept them through January 31, 2011.

Hope you’ll participate!

Thank you!

ME AND MY DIET

Another weekend has come and go and this weekend was filled with surprises. On Saturday I had my appointment with the dietitian, which left me feeling a bit down in the dumps.

My weight has really increased the last couple of years and I knew that I had to make a plan and that I had to make it quickly before starting off with our fertility things again, so I weighed in at 63, now that might not sound like a lot, but it is a lot for someone who is suppose to weigh 48 due to my height.

So today my diet officially started and I'm sitting here feeling very hungry, because I think now that I know that I can't have all the wonderful food, now I want it.

So dear all, wish me lots of luck, because this will not be as easy for me as what it is for others, it will be the first time ever that I go on a diet, and I suppose this will have to become a healthy eating living plan.

So breakfast today was 4 tablespoons of cooked oats with a bit of milk
then morning snack will be an apple and yogurt
then Lunch will be a 1/2 cup of rice with a salad and tuna
then late afternoon snack will be 3 provitas with a cheese wedge
and supper - I don't know yet but it will involve chicken or fish a small potato and salad or something

Have a stunning week people

HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY TO ME!

WOW I can't believe that today is the 3rd Year celebration of my blog!

Have a awesome day everyone

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

I'm normally not one of those people that come up with a whole list of New year's resolutions, but this year I've set a couple that I felt I really had to do.

I'm also sitting and wondering who out there have set the same type of resolutions or who have set any resolutions for the new year as I would love to link up and support those of you who have set their mind in achieving their goals.


For me the most important part of this year will be to try my utmost best to fall pregnant, and I mean try everything in my power possible, I know that it might sound stupid but I want to look back in 2012 and say that I have tried harder this year, I want to feel satisfied with my attempts and should I fall pregnant it would be the best blessing sent to us.


Okay so for my Resolution(s):

• I have picked up some weight and I would like to blame all of it on the fertility medicines, but I also realise that I had a big part in this, so I have decided to call the dietitian today and will make my appointment with her in order for me to get back on my goal weight before attempting another cycle at the clinic
• Hubby and I have also decided to cut down / stop drinking, and in the past we always said cut down only but we've never managed this on weekends when family and friends came over. This year we have decided to stop drinking, and will only have something if and when we really feel like it, and I have to say so far so good, we had our last champagne 12:00 on 31 December 2010, and nothing else yet.
• and lastly - both of us decided to start gym, now this is kind of a tricky one as most of the gyms in our area close when we get home or it's so full that you wait forever to get to something, so honestly we will not hit the gym at our local gym but we will officially start using the huge gym hubby bought 2 year ago (ya we will have to get rid of all the dust on this first :-) but we will officially start using the gym)

So these are my New Year's resolutions and I hope I'll / we'll manage to look back the end of this year and realise that we have achieved our goals.


Happy 2011 People, May this year be the year where all you hopes and dreams come true!