20 October 2011


I’m a bit in a funny mood, cant really explain what’s been happening to me lately, but I know that where I am is not where I need to be right now.

Over time I’ve realized that I’ve lost some dear friend, that I made new friends and in the cyber world the same. I have made decisions that I now regret I have made decisions that I am thankful for and that life goes on. I’ve gone from being a very dedicated blogger, to being a less dedicated blogger and I miss the friend I had. I don’t know if its because some people kind of struggle with the upgrade on blogger and now cant comment (I’m one of them – I really have a hard time commenting on blogs if the blog comment box are embedded below the post) or if I have just lost them or their interest in my blog because I have been so out of touch lately. All I know is I love comments cause that lets me know you are out there.

So ya, its sounds like self pity today, but I miss it…

The last couple of years about 2 I’ve been working at this new (well not that new anymore) company. I’ve had very little time to go for any treatment during office hours, and I realized that people don’t understand why we take time off to go for these type of things. You find that people are judgmental, they have their own opinions about these kind of treatments and some people just don’t give a sh!t about what you feel and how they make you feel when they express their opinions. I have let myself down, I have kind of given up and become such a terrible blogger (this is how it feels) that I have lost most of my blog readers. Most of the people who encouraged me, supported me, the people I felt so comfortable with that I could say anything and I’d knew that they would have been there for me. Some of these people have also moved on from being infertile to becoming a mother, and here I am……

STILL F*&^ing infertile and feeling alone…. YA YA It’s self pity – but today I need to just pity myself….

I need to reach out for new friend (people who will be there and support me again) I need that, I need and want to go back on treatment and I’m taking a couple of steps to get that going again… but most of all at this time I need to be surrounded by people that’s going through this hell of a roller coaster ride, and who will be able to understand that you have your ups and your downs… I don’t know how to start reaching out again, but I know I need to....

I'm so sorry for putting it out there, but if I can't put it out there then where else will I find the space to vent...


  1. I'm still here and reading. I'm in my own blogging funk right now, too. I've been left behind by so many and I understand your feelings. You can always come here and vent, it's what this space is for. Sending you (((hugs))) through this tough time.

  2. I'm still here and still reading! I remember going through the same feelings you are having right now, and it always helps to vent to people who have been there, done that. Hang in there xoxox

  3. Hi, I am stopping by through the ICLW which I have found recently. The roller coaster of IF SUCKS!!!! I am on the other side now but there are times when IF still bites me (mom via egg donation). I don't know if I will be much support but I just wanted send you some (((HUGS)))

    ICLW #21- Donor Diva

  4. I'm glad you're reaching out! I'm glad I found you on the ICLW list and I will pop back in and support you. In fact, I am featuring your blog tonight! So, I hope that sends people along too! Stay strong and good luck for future treatments!

  5. @Krissi Thank you so much I really do appreciate your help

  6. Thank you all for your comments, for stopping by from ICLW and for still following

  7. Hey dear. I'm here from ICLW and will be following to keep up with you! The world if IF sucks, and even though we got lucky with our first IUI, it's still a shitty, emotional ride that never stops. I've been left behind since "crossing over" even though I still need that support but am finding others to get that from. Hugs to you, love.

  8. Every once in a while a girl needs to throw herself a pity party and then grab a glass of wine and put a smile on our face and keep on going...Hugs!
    ICLW 98


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