12 May 2009


What happened to me after these last couple of years? I have always been such a happy go lucky person but these days I battle to see light at the end of the tunnel. I'm fighting a loosing battle in terms of finding my siblings and everywhere I turn on this no door opens but is closes. Sometimes it makes me wonder what I have done to deserve not meeting the little family I have. Yes I'm happy with what I have in life, but I still have this empty little peace which longs for the unknown people, called brothers and sister. The law prohibit so many things which makes it truly difficult to track them, over and above, I really thought by now, that my younger brother (who I happened to find through the registrar of adoptions, who's parents didn't want us to meet) that his adopted mother could have made it happen by now, but NOTHING... Sometimes I wonder why this all had to happen, and why, why, why was it suppose to happen to me. Why is it that I had to know about them, and they not of me? Will life give me the opportunity to meet them? My youngest brothers’ birthday was on Saturday the 9th of May and I just couldn't stop thinking about him. Then of cause it’s this curse of IF. Darn I just can't believe it all. I'm married 10 years... And nothing. No new addition to the family of 2. AF started on Sunday so I suppose another cycle awaits me. Tried to call the Dr's offices yesterday but something was wrong with their lines so I have to try again today. Then on the work front... Ya I’m finishing off. My last day is now Friday (15 May 2009). I actually can't believe I'm moving on. I’m glad for the new opportunity, but on the other hand I need to settle down, find something stable, and not something where I need to move around like this. I know its great exposure, but it's not as nice to not know where you will be the next day. I love the company I work for, they have truly looked after me, and there is no bad thing I will ever be able to say about them, as they care about their people, but sometimes it's difficult. Anyway, I think, pray and hope that things work out for me the way it should, and with that I need to say till later... Enjoy your day!


  1. Definitely thoughts not venting. I often wonder why things work out the way do. Perhaps you know of your siblings' existence because you are strong enough to deal with it, it's an important part of shaping who you are. I wish you much strength and courage on your path to finding them, and of course with your own personal journey to becoming a mother.

  2. Hi Stef, it's also good to vent sweetie. Get these things off your chest.

    I really wish everything works out well for you and hubby


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