09 January 2008

and so the search continues...

I’m so sure that if you are in search of anyone, you have had all the bad experiences trying to get your adoption records. Even though it’s all about you, all about your life, you have a huge struggle obtaining your own identifying information. Sad you say…but true... an adoptee could be denied access when they are looking for biological parents, and when looking for these information about you adoption you’ll find that there are a whole lot of doors closing on you. The question is... how does one find your siblings/parent, and with the current South African law, it is not stated that siblings could look for one another. Which I think should change, but then of cause I would say that… There are so many adoption registries, but you’ll never know which one to choose, which one will really help you in your search. There are plenty, which you’ll even find my name on, which talk about assisting with an adoption reunion, but the chances are that your natural relatives might not even read that. I mean the whole search is about finding adopted family that may be a sibling, cousin or even a parent, but how do you find a sibling, if the sibling doesn’t know about their adoption, how do you even find a sibling if the sibling doesn’t know about you, and will never search for you in return. Even though I knew that I have been adopted, because I was adopted within the family of my mother. There was a whole lot of stuff we never knew… Give me the time to tell you my tale. The information that I have is very sketchy and was obtained on 25 July 2006. My natural mother was born in 1961, who was married to a guy, from who she fell pregnant, (with my oldest brother born 1978). I’m not sure if he knew about my mothers’ pregnancy. What happened then…? I don’t know all I know is that the child was born and my mother gave him up for adoption. Now my mother had 2 brothers, they had no idea that this child (my eldest brother) had been born and adopted. She then met someone else in her life, to which she didn’t get married, but fell pregnant again, (this is with little me born 1979), anyway my mother gave me up for adoption after she got married again and my grandparents adopted me. My mother then fell pregnant again (this time my youngest brother born 1981), thereafter she passed away. I was then adopted by my mothers’ brother and his wife. Anyway, through this all no one really knew of my eldest brother. I obtained information that guided me in terms of my brothers, and where I discovered that I also had a sister, a sister of whom there is no details available. I know that she is the eldest of the 4 of us, but that’s what I know. One of my mothers’ brothers is still alive, and I contacted him, to find out why they have never shared the information related to my older brother and sister. To my amazement he was just as stunned as what I was. They never knew… How is it, that your whole family falls apart and no one knows… every thought has gone through my head about this, but the people who have all these answers has passed on. From all the information I were able to obtain from all the family members at that time, me and my brother had the same father. Then the shock of my life… I received a letter, after I have requested more information on the stuff I got. This letter stated that we don’t have the same natural father as I mentioned above. Mine was still alive and the detail of him is on file. What a shock. I felt as if my whole world had collapsed that I lost something that I wouldn’t be able to get. Then in desperation I decided to search for him. Him I call him, because all I have is a Mr. and surname. Thinking of it makes me feel sick. How is it that you call your biological father Mr. Mr whoever you are. So I started completing all the documentation in search for Mr. Whoever. The registrar of adoptions has sent of a letter to his last known address and will send a total of 3 to which he has to reply should he want to meet with me. Till now, I have heard nothing. The first letter has gone of, and I suppose the 2 others are to follow. Let’s just give it time. I have to realize that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I can’t build my little empire in a day, and therefore I need to be patient…


  1. My goodness, what a story you have there. Very hard i'm sure and I can understand how frustraing it must be dealing with the "african time" and south african systmems.

    I wish you all the best with this :)

  2. This is really a sad story. Life must feel so incomplete, and it's like Tam said, you must really feel frustrated by the systems in SA, but hang in there girl


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